As you can tell I have already diminished the amount of time that I put into writing and responding to other's on DS. I think this is the best for me. Otherwise I spend too much time thinking about other people's situations, how I can help them, comparing it to mine, etc. That's not healthy
So i'm just going to do little updates. Brief ones. Okay this one isn't so brief.
And I'm apologizing in advance for not commenting on other's journals. I just don't have that much time anymore, and I think I'm better off not reading everyone else's struggles. I am sorry, but I do pray for each and everyoen every day.
.....update weekends....
Had a very difficult weekend. I can't emphasize the VERY in that sentence enough. My faith in find a house is decreasing and time is running out. My mother yelled at me on Sunday night and I could not control my tears- I broke down mid sentence. I had too much building up inside and that was it. My father even yelled at her afterwards because it was so rude what she said.
Had a good therapy session yesterday I think. I say I think because I literally talked the entire time. I have never done that before. NEVER. I would talk about something, and then start analyzing it etc. Joanna was impressed and shocked. In a good way. I was doing some hardcore work. The time went by so fast. I couldn't believe the session was over when it was. 
Penny got spayed yesterday. I was so sad. I cried for her many times. I felt so bad for her. I wish I could of taken the pain for her. She has to wear an Elizabethan collar when she is alone at home. It's practically heavier than her. I feel so bad putting it on her. Tears come each time. I feel like a horrible mommy because I put her through this pain of having to get spayed. 
I have had several people (ED friends) from hospital stays text/FB/email me saying their teams are threatening them to go into treatment again. This made me upset. It makes my mind wander. I know they want me to say, "oh no, you look great, you don't need it." But instead I say, you need to do what is best for your health. I don't glaze my comments. I say how it is. If they look like shit and very sick- I tell them so. It's tough love. That's what I need. That's what works best for me. And i tell them that. It might not work for all, but I think it's the best. It drives me nuts though when they say they are going to go to these ritzy fancy treatment centers in the mountains, or Malibu. Is that really going to help? It's like a fucking vacation. Go to the hospital- get the shit beat out of you- take the pain- and fucking recover. Sorry. I know going to one of those places would not be good for me...as much as I would love to go!
To be quite frank, I wish people would not tell me these things. Becuase then I wonder about myself. Should I go back? Do I need to go back? Am I at a weight where I should? How come their team tells them they have to go? Mine doesn't. I'm not being threatened. Etc. I wish my team would force me to do what is needed, but they don't. I know why, but I wish they would just tell me and I would have to follow. It's easier to do it that way than me have to make decisions. But of course, that is why they do not do it.
Saw Jill today. Weight maintained. Though I know it is probably a little up because I saw her earlier in the day than usual and therefore have not had as much to eat as when I see her in the afternoon. Yes I know this is not healthy for me to think like this but I can not help it. I discussed this with her. We also went over a food/feelings/body image questionnaire thing she gave me last week that will help her decide what route to go to start working on body image etc. 
Still think seeing the psychiatrist is pointless.
Starting my new job on March 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got centerpieces, linens, aka table arrangements completed today along with finalized food selection, cake selection, decor etc. Phew!
I am beyond exhausted from today.