I have been wrapped up in so much shit that I forgot to mention the best news ever!! While I spoke with my Oma and Opa yesterday they told me news that left me speechless. They said that they are going to pay off what I have left of my student loan from my Senior Year at Ithaca!!!!!!!!!!!! That's a little under $13K!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!! I was shocked. I had no idea what to say except THANK YOU a million times!!!!!
My Oma said that they might as well help me out (and my sister) while they are here. They said there is no point to just sit on the money they have. I am amazed everyday by how successful they have been from moving to this country with literally just a few pennies back right after WWII. And now look at them!
This is HUGE for me!!! Now I don't have to pay a monthly bill for that loan! I still have one from last year which is about $5K, but I don't have to start paying that back for another year.
BUt yes- AMAZING INCREDIBLE NEWS!!!
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On another note- today was really hard in therapy. I am going back and analyzing and trying to correlate my feelings/emotions through the various events that occurred last Wednesday-Saturday to find connections with the moods and misery I went through for multiple days.
I left Joanna's in a bad mood and crying. I want to be normal and have normal emotions. I feel like I am doing everything for that to happen. I am eating well. I weigh enough. I keep myself occupied. My mind is constantly busy.I left pissed off I think because of joannas schedule. I am mad about only meeting today and Wednesday. I am afraid that I am going to make Myself miserable again. I am feeling very overwhelmed with emotions right now and I yhink that is why I am crying. Joanna said that she doesn't have anything available Thursday or Friday but if she does get a cancellation she will call me. I know she won't. I will bite my tongue if she does. The one time she had an extra spot for me on a Thursday because she couldn't do Friday was last week and she got sick.
I know I'm going to have a ahitty end of the week and I know if I think like that then I definitely will. Well isn't that fucking great. I hate missing appointments with her. Knowing that I am having an appointment makes me feel that I have the opportunity to feel better and stop being miserable.Right now I feel like she doesn't care about me and that I am being left alone. I know that is not true, but that is how I feel. I don't feel like I can handle myself. My emotions or my actions. These are the times when I want to disappear.I wish our session didn't end. It seems as though recently I get more emotional or upset or angry at the end and then I have to leave. There is never enough time. Never. Thinking of this makes me upset and cry again.When something gets cancelled I feel alone and hurt.I still want to know why I was upset regarding seeing Lauren and knowing she sees Joanna as well. Is it me wanting Joanna all to myself? That I don't want to share her with someone else I know?
OMG!!!! I was shocked. I had no idea what to say except THANK YOU a million times!!!!!
My Oma said that they might as well help me out (and my sister) while they are here. They said there is no point to just sit on the money they have. I am amazed everyday by how successful they have been from moving to this country with literally just a few pennies back right after WWII. And now look at them!
This is HUGE for me!!! Now I don't have to pay a monthly bill for that loan! I still have one from last year which is about $5K, but I don't have to start paying that back for another year.
BUt yes- AMAZING INCREDIBLE NEWS!!!
---------------------
On another note- today was really hard in therapy. I am going back and analyzing and trying to correlate my feelings/emotions through the various events that occurred last Wednesday-Saturday to find connections with the moods and misery I went through for multiple days.
I left Joanna's in a bad mood and crying. I want to be normal and have normal emotions. I feel like I am doing everything for that to happen. I am eating well. I weigh enough. I keep myself occupied. My mind is constantly busy.I left pissed off I think because of joannas schedule. I am mad about only meeting today and Wednesday. I am afraid that I am going to make Myself miserable again. I am feeling very overwhelmed with emotions right now and I yhink that is why I am crying. Joanna said that she doesn't have anything available Thursday or Friday but if she does get a cancellation she will call me. I know she won't. I will bite my tongue if she does. The one time she had an extra spot for me on a Thursday because she couldn't do Friday was last week and she got sick.
I know I'm going to have a ahitty end of the week and I know if I think like that then I definitely will. Well isn't that fucking great. I hate missing appointments with her. Knowing that I am having an appointment makes me feel that I have the opportunity to feel better and stop being miserable.Right now I feel like she doesn't care about me and that I am being left alone. I know that is not true, but that is how I feel. I don't feel like I can handle myself. My emotions or my actions. These are the times when I want to disappear.I wish our session didn't end. It seems as though recently I get more emotional or upset or angry at the end and then I have to leave. There is never enough time. Never. Thinking of this makes me upset and cry again.When something gets cancelled I feel alone and hurt.I still want to know why I was upset regarding seeing Lauren and knowing she sees Joanna as well. Is it me wanting Joanna all to myself? That I don't want to share her with someone else I know?
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