Where am I?
Where is Steffanie Alexis McKay?
I sure as hell was not there in Therapy today. Steffanie has clearly checked out for the past few days. Peaced out. Gone.
Steffanie's eating disorder decided to come forward and show his nasty ass face.
I am acting like I was right before I went into the hospital. I am healthier and not nearly as emotional, but I am checked out. My head was gone during therapy today. But why?
My mind has been spinning just as fast as it was before and nothing is getting accomplished.
Maybe because things are starting to fall into place and so I am not preoccupied with worrying so much about everything that I am now worrying about weight/looks/etc instead?
Joanna asked me that if I didn't go to the hospital this last time, if I would of continued to lose weight. I was afraid to answer. I was afraid I would say the wrong thing. Or what if my answer wasn't true. I said yes, if I could have- but that would of meant losing everyone and everything.
I then transitioned into saying that I have always had the thought on my mind (yes even now) that if I lived alone, was not in a relationship, not near my parents....then I could do what I want. I could keep losing and going down down down. I wouldn't have to worry about losing anyone except for myself. I could eat/not eat what I want and exercise when i wanted.
But more so my question is, why did Joanna ask me that?
Do I want to get better still? I have no idea. I really truly do not know right now. I feel like I am back in the i don't care mood. Aka not knowing where Steffanie went.
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Just got off from my first shift at PetSmart. Worked 1200-2200 today. LONGGG day. But it was good. Everyone remembered me and was excited and happy to see me! It was fun. THe store is being completely renovated and so things are crazy as all hell! When I was facing all the shelves at the end of my shift, there was so much dust on everything. My eyes and throat hurt from all of it :(
There is this female rat, who they named Penelope...and OMG she is sooooooo sweet! I literally had her walk on my shoulder and hang out for hours today!!! Too bad ferrets don't get along with rats :(
Tomorrow I work 0930-1800, Sunday 1200-1900, Monday 0600-1200 and Thursday 0600-1200. Then again next weekend. But I told him only 25 hours a week....and next week he scheduled me for exactly 25 hours :) Maybe he learned from last time!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!
Where is Steffanie Alexis McKay?
I sure as hell was not there in Therapy today. Steffanie has clearly checked out for the past few days. Peaced out. Gone.
Steffanie's eating disorder decided to come forward and show his nasty ass face.
I am acting like I was right before I went into the hospital. I am healthier and not nearly as emotional, but I am checked out. My head was gone during therapy today. But why?
My mind has been spinning just as fast as it was before and nothing is getting accomplished.
Maybe because things are starting to fall into place and so I am not preoccupied with worrying so much about everything that I am now worrying about weight/looks/etc instead?
Joanna asked me that if I didn't go to the hospital this last time, if I would of continued to lose weight. I was afraid to answer. I was afraid I would say the wrong thing. Or what if my answer wasn't true. I said yes, if I could have- but that would of meant losing everyone and everything.
I then transitioned into saying that I have always had the thought on my mind (yes even now) that if I lived alone, was not in a relationship, not near my parents....then I could do what I want. I could keep losing and going down down down. I wouldn't have to worry about losing anyone except for myself. I could eat/not eat what I want and exercise when i wanted.
But more so my question is, why did Joanna ask me that?
Do I want to get better still? I have no idea. I really truly do not know right now. I feel like I am back in the i don't care mood. Aka not knowing where Steffanie went.
-----------
Just got off from my first shift at PetSmart. Worked 1200-2200 today. LONGGG day. But it was good. Everyone remembered me and was excited and happy to see me! It was fun. THe store is being completely renovated and so things are crazy as all hell! When I was facing all the shelves at the end of my shift, there was so much dust on everything. My eyes and throat hurt from all of it :(
There is this female rat, who they named Penelope...and OMG she is sooooooo sweet! I literally had her walk on my shoulder and hang out for hours today!!! Too bad ferrets don't get along with rats :(
Tomorrow I work 0930-1800, Sunday 1200-1900, Monday 0600-1200 and Thursday 0600-1200. Then again next weekend. But I told him only 25 hours a week....and next week he scheduled me for exactly 25 hours :) Maybe he learned from last time!!!
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!
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