yesterday
Yesterday I had a GREAT therapy session :) When I was telling joanna about the day and night before, she was actually laughing at how i acted and responded to my parents. Also at what i had said at that support group! I have never seen her laugh like that! She was ectatic with how i handled things and just purely said shit how it was!
Last night i was scheduled to work at arbor place from 1530-2330. When i went in a spoke with the head nurse (who does the hiring etc.) and told her that I did not feel as though the position was a good fit for me. She was very understanding. I told her that I can give her the two week notice, but I also wanted to be curtieous and not waste their resources. So I told her that since I am still in training, it may not even make sense for me to continue much longer since I am not going to need the training etc. She was very appreciative of what I said and told me that I can stay through the entire shift, or leave early. Or even work the weekend. She was very happy that I spoke to her and was honest, verses other people who she has hired that just don't show up to work. She even told me to stop by and say hi when I was in the area! So I left at 1930. I feel so relieved!
After I left I went to the McKee's house. Hung out with Blair, ate dinner and then hung out with the rest of the family until we had to pick up her sister. I had a lovely time.
Then I drove home. And hell broke loose. I could not find my apartment keys. Here is what I wrote while I was balling my eyes out in my car. Now i am sitting in my fucking car, in the fuckign parking lot outside my god damn mother fucking apartment. After I got all my shit out of my car, i went to grab my apartment keysa nd they were not there. I searched my car up and down and still can not find them anywhere. so now i am sitting in my god damn mother fucking shit hole of a car balling my eyes out. i have to piss so bad and i just want to die. i haven't cried like this in a while. i fucking hate my life. i quit. whats the point? i want to cut so fucking bad. i have nothing. i want to smoke. i have nothing. i want to drink. i have nothing. there isnt evena bar around here, then again i dont have any money either. FUCK THIS BULLSHIT. I am right, when thigns go so well for such a long time, they are bound to go down the shithole. It always happens.
I am stranded outside. and i look like a nasty fat ass boar. fuck it. i hate food. i hate everything but most of all i hate myself. i am such a fucking idiot. they better be in the apartment, otherwise i am fucked. how can i be so fucking stupid. what a dumb ass i am.
Last night i was scheduled to work at arbor place from 1530-2330. When i went in a spoke with the head nurse (who does the hiring etc.) and told her that I did not feel as though the position was a good fit for me. She was very understanding. I told her that I can give her the two week notice, but I also wanted to be curtieous and not waste their resources. So I told her that since I am still in training, it may not even make sense for me to continue much longer since I am not going to need the training etc. She was very appreciative of what I said and told me that I can stay through the entire shift, or leave early. Or even work the weekend. She was very happy that I spoke to her and was honest, verses other people who she has hired that just don't show up to work. She even told me to stop by and say hi when I was in the area! So I left at 1930. I feel so relieved!
After I left I went to the McKee's house. Hung out with Blair, ate dinner and then hung out with the rest of the family until we had to pick up her sister. I had a lovely time.
Then I drove home. And hell broke loose. I could not find my apartment keys. Here is what I wrote while I was balling my eyes out in my car. Now i am sitting in my fucking car, in the fuckign parking lot outside my god damn mother fucking apartment. After I got all my shit out of my car, i went to grab my apartment keysa nd they were not there. I searched my car up and down and still can not find them anywhere. so now i am sitting in my god damn mother fucking shit hole of a car balling my eyes out. i have to piss so bad and i just want to die. i haven't cried like this in a while. i fucking hate my life. i quit. whats the point? i want to cut so fucking bad. i have nothing. i want to smoke. i have nothing. i want to drink. i have nothing. there isnt evena bar around here, then again i dont have any money either. FUCK THIS BULLSHIT. I am right, when thigns go so well for such a long time, they are bound to go down the shithole. It always happens.
I am stranded outside. and i look like a nasty fat ass boar. fuck it. i hate food. i hate everything but most of all i hate myself. i am such a fucking idiot. they better be in the apartment, otherwise i am fucked. how can i be so fucking stupid. what a dumb ass i am.
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