today sucks.
woke up at 5am for no reason. woke up every hour for no reason and then eventually could not go back to sleep.
i dont want to do anything and i dont feel like anything is going to change my mood right now. i just dont give a flying fuck about anything or anyone. my two dog walks were fine today. i did stress out about looking at jobs etc. i am meeting with the owner of the dog walking company tomorrow to talk about getting more clients and to see hwo see got into the business.
saw jill. i was pissed. apparently my weight went down. but my food was good. i thought my food wasn't as good, but she said it was really good. sweet. then i got weighed and she said i needed to add supplements. fuck. i wanted to die. my mood did a complete 180 right then and there. 
I want to  try another week, like last, to see if I maintain or not. I want to know what the weight range that she is using is. I am paranoid that It is higher than what i think it should be. It's hard for me to believe that I dropped below that and it only makes sense to me that I would have to increase if it went outside the range.  How much did it really go down? What if it was just a false weight?  Why can I not just keep doing what I'm doing and let my weight goes where it goes? Isn't that what is supposed to happen?I am very upset by this and do not want to do this at all.  It is not anybody's fault, which is why I feel that what happens happens. If anything I am pissed at myself. Obviously if I were to start restricting it would be my fault. I don't want to add anything. I am sick and tired of food.
i suck at life and just want to quit. my eating has been shit today and i know its because im pissed and upset.