weekend

Weekend has been busy- which is good. I have had a lot of negative thoughts and did slip on food I think, but then again am not really sure.
Friday afternoon after my dog walks I went to my parent's house, fed and watered the dumb cat and did some laundry. Then met up with my friend Blair and hung out with her for a few hours (ate ice cream with her). After that I went to my best friend Kimmie's apartment and spent the rest of the evening with her. My pup Kiara is staying with her while my family is in Germany- so that was nice. I had a great time with Kiara and Kimmie. When I left it was 2100 and way past dinner. I honestly didn' want any food at all and wanted to say fuck it. Then I said, no I will have dinner when I get home. But in reality I knew I wouldn't. So I went to Harris Teeter across the street from Kimmie and got a deli sandwich which I ate on the way home.
Saturday Carlos was off work which was nice. We spent the whole day together....we have NEVER had a weekend day together!!!! went out and about to do somethings. Knew I needed a snack so I got a smoothie somewhere. We were then told to go to his Mother's house for Carlos' birthday dinner- his birthday is Monday. We got there at 6pm when they told us and we didn't eat til 8pm. I was PISSED. His mom always does that- she is NEVER on time. Then we sit there twiddling our thumbs. Oh and then she had invited her husband's (kind of carlos' stepdad) brother, his wife, 3 kids and 1 grandkid. Carlos and I hadn't met any of the kids. Just very unexpected. The food was okay, but I know it didn't meet all of my exchanges and then there was double dessert. Whatever, I did well but when I got home I could not finish my ensure. I couldn't swallow it. It was too much sweet stuff...blah 
Today has been good. This morning my other good friend Dijana stopped by on her way back up to philadelphia! She has never been to my apartment, so it was really nice. I then worked from 1-5pm which was wonderful! I loved it! Then a consulation for a new dog and home. My snacks were fucked up today. Only had my ensure for mid morning snack. And I was at work during the afternoon snack, but someone offered me a crepe so I took it and ate it. Then had my ensure and nuts in the car. I think my food is fucked today again.
My stomach hurts really bad as well. It fucking sucks. I'm exhausted. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. I hate myself. I hate my body. I feel like a worthless piece of space. 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Well your social life sounds great and I\'m not being sarcastic, I\'m actually envious because I\'m stuck in this major depression and just want to do nothing and die. So kudos for hanging out with all those people.
But Steff come on, you\'re not sure if you slipped on your meal plan. If you honestly can\'t remember do a food journal as much as it sucks. And all those little oh I forgot, oh I just couldn\'t are total ed excuses and I\'m calling you out on them. You can\'t afford to go down that road. When is you next nutrition appointment. I\'m with you on feeling worthless.
tuxedomck
tuxedomck

I do have a food journal. I know what I had, I just didn\'t know how what we ate counts for what kind of exchange. Trust me, my journal is very detailed.

Ya, I saw so many people that I am exhausted now. I was so exhausted today and have definitely been a negative nancy. It was hard to keep my eyes open during therapy. And yes....Joanna knows everything. I let her read everything I have written....exactly what I posted on here.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Maybe you can get a more detailed exchange list from your nutritionist. Sorry for being so tough on you. I\'m just always suspicious because I\'ve done it all myself before.