The entire time in lecture and even now in lab I have not been able to focus. Carlos has not sent me any messages or anything. When I left my apartment I was a wreck and called my dad. He listened. While in lecture I wrote two pages (front and back on each) to Carlos. Maybe later I will type it up. Or
Scan it in.

I then wrote what I want to tell Joanna tomorrow. "today was great until I was writing in my journal at my desk like I usually do, when all of a sudden Carlos snuck up behind me to tickle me. He then saw a number on my journal. He freaked. Spazzed. He was angry and frustrated. I understand why. He has every right to feel that way. I have not told him my weights. He only said after he saw the number that I need to gain weight and if I'm not gaining weight then I am not trying. And if I am not gaining weight then I don't love him or care about him. Maintaining is not an option. He says I have to gain two pounds a week. That I need to be 115 and no less. If I dont gain then I don't love him. He doesn't care if I'm eating well and better than I have in a long time. The number on the scale is all that counts. I have been early better and he has seen that. But he does not care. I am actually comfortable with myself right now. Jill even said i have been eating better. He doesn't care and won't listen to anything I say.