Todays therapy session was REALLY good. I got so much accomplished. I basically read my journal entry from wednesday to Joanna and also more information/thoughts associated with my last entry that I wrote yesterday. She thought everything I said was really good and helpful.

So...the first thing we need to figure out is "the hole". When I hear confirmation that someone loves/cares about me I feel good. But that feeling doesn't stay. It eventually goes away- and usually very quickly. Why doesn't the good feelings stay? And where does it go??

Then we can figure out why I always think the worst thing. And why to mr things are good or horrible. Why if I dont hear from someone it means that they hate me. She asked me when I started to dislike my sister and my response was "I don't hate her." she said she didn't say hate but said dislike. Well to me that is the same thing as hate. Apparently its not? To me it is. If you dont like something or someone that means you hate it/them. At least in my world. Anyways below is what I write to Joanna a little after I left.

"Joanna

Ok this is not an email about something going wrong or me wanting attention or me want reassurance. It's kind of another example of what we were talking about.

Carlos asked me how therapy went and I said well. I said I feel like I got a lot accomplished and I was pleased etc. I told him about Wednesday's session and today's. Afterwards all he said was, "good. Now when is she going to get you to eat more? That's all I care about." I responded with "I can't answer that because I don't know how."

That immediately turned me to a negative state of mind. Me thinking that what I felt that I did well was not good enough and that I failed.

I know he asked that because he cares and clearly notices the weight loss, but it frustrates me and hurts me that he only sees that. I feel that all he cares or thinks about is my