grrrr

I'm stuck. I'm stuck in a rut and I don't know how to get out.
My appt with my psychiatrist went okay last night- we are going to up my meds a little. Hopefully with a change in meds and leaving my job soon things will get better.
The Doctor that my dietitian referred me to not even close to being affordable for my parents let alone for me. So I wrote my dietitian and this was her response...
"Hi Steffanie, You're not a failure!  You're just sick right now and you need to use your supports to get better. About the doctor, let me think about it and back to you on Tuesday at our next appointment"
 
Well first off, I clearly am a failure otherwise I wouldn't be in this situation of being sick again. Secondly, yes I am sick- but more so fucked up. Third....blah. I asked her I could just get the tests etc that she wants me to get from my PCP. We'll see.
I feel so blah right  now. Completely out of it. Like I'm not here. I don't want to do anything. I'm dreading going home tonight because I know I'm going to be bored bc the hubby is working tonight. I still feel fat and gross. Like a lump of lard. blahhhhh maybe I'll just go home and go to sleep :(