12 days out, various observations
08/12/13 12:55pm"Ugh but weekends have an awful lot of hours in them when you're suddenly on your own again. :/ I did go out for pizza and a movie with a couple of friends yesterday at least (Red 2, if you liked the first one, you'll like the second one).I was lucky enough to line up a room mate finally for next month, so I'm trying to get started with cleaning and separating possessions which is hard....too many things that have memories attached to them.Do you keep things for now or toss them right away? I can see both sides, I guess, wanting to hold on to the good memories or not wanting to be burdened down by the past. I don't know. Maybe it falls under the idea of not making huge changes while you're still too emotional about things. " "Trying to write how things feel is helpful, cathartic. Plus I suppose it's sharpening up my writing. :/ No great loss without some small gain?How long before the sadness leaves my eyes? How long before there's not that echo of...pain in my words, even if I manage to keep the sound of it from others sometimes, I still hear it. I do think I'm getting better at...I don't know, not hiding it exactly but at least not letting it bleed out all the time. I don't want to let it control me completely. I don't want to live like that.I think that part of what makes it hard to understand his refusal to talk about what was bothering him is because it had always felt like we *did* talk. If we were annoyed or frustrated about something, we waited until we weren't in the middle of the situation and then brought it up, talked it out. Or if we were short tempered about something we were always so good about assuring the other that we weren't annoyed with them, but with this other thing going on. It felt like we communicated all the time. So it was just so...unbelievable to suddenly have this thing huge enough for him to want a divorce come out of what felt like nowhere. Ugh. Such a disillusioning, rude awakening.... " " I've had other friends suggest that the problem was that he just didn't know how to love. It's possible, I think at the very least that his understanding of love didn't encompass enough. When the heady infatuation part died down (and 6 or 7 years is a pretty good run for that stage ;) ) he didn't know what to do with what remained. Love is, or should be, so much more than just the initial rush. It's work and commitment and communication and caring, sharing. And yes, you should try to hold on to that infatuation part too...but that's where the work and communication come in and are so important. You need to fight to keep it. "
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I so agree with your writing above. I too feel like I look like a wounded animal. when you look in my eyes I have been crying for so long now since this happened. I have little patience probably cause I don\'t sleep/eat as I did and I\'m just exhausted from the emotion of it all. My husband kept it all to himself as well says he felt disconnected for a year... but never said a word.. waited until there was someone else over the last few months and then told me when I asked what was wrong... gave it three weeks all the time I think building his out to this new life. Telling me over the three weeks it was good, not broken, he was going to stay this is where he wanted to be then two days later gone... to this new shiny life. I want to scream at him COWARD... how could you.. how could you do this to us. I know how you feel the despair is awful the hurt bone deep. He couldn\'t do the work, couldn\'t tell me a year ago for us to work on it... had to have something in the wings to leave... I think this is his stuff... his mind, depression, mid life crisis whatever but it is certainly ruining my life in the process.