12/7/2012
hooray for Ed Asner ....I am sure there are millions who would relish the opportunity to piss all over Fox News...oh to be the rightful conscience of a greatful but intimidated nation,,,
In any event ...been going through some difficult days lately,,,it is soooo easy to fall into meaningless and somewhat of a depressing period, I do not know what the answer is and I am stuck like chuck in finding something that makes some sense out of my day to day..I think that I have changed characteristics,,,meaning that I have become more bored than actually depressed. Though sometimes in the morning (when there is a morning) yeah I do,,sort of walk that shakey wire between two buildings and I do get somewhat depressed ,,,I am a kind of fixer,,,its my personality,,,I help people get over what they are trying ,,or say they are trying to get over or beyond,,,,to be honest ,,they are mostly women in need,,,and the end result borders on the pathetic ,,,It is a cheap way of trying to make friends which proves pretty hopeless ,,,
Maybe this is just a momentary lapse into the netherworld of sorrowful self flagilation ???..I am headed for the very ripe version of 63 in a week,,and the one thing I always wanted in my life has eluded me save for 2 terrible periods in my life ,,,and for the other times either I was too damn intimidated, or insecure in myself,,It could have been worse, I could have been a raging and out of control alcoholic ,,,I find myself more and more living in the past, then in the present ,,,I guess it comes with getting older ,,,for me anyway ,,,it was a much better time all around ,,,,then again I never seemed to understand the rules ot the game especially once the game had begun,,,and I couldn't stop it to have a do-over,,,which would have been nice ,,,
I have always ,,or mostly always looked at the bad bits ,,,and dwell on what might have been if this went this way or went that way,,,,and generally it has come out in balance ,,and perhaps that is the best of all worlds when the scores are tallied..
I am not sure what I want to do...I feel like a stalled old chevy chevette trying to figure out how the hell to get back onto the freeway,,
In any event ...been going through some difficult days lately,,,it is soooo easy to fall into meaningless and somewhat of a depressing period, I do not know what the answer is and I am stuck like chuck in finding something that makes some sense out of my day to day..I think that I have changed characteristics,,,meaning that I have become more bored than actually depressed. Though sometimes in the morning (when there is a morning) yeah I do,,sort of walk that shakey wire between two buildings and I do get somewhat depressed ,,,I am a kind of fixer,,,its my personality,,,I help people get over what they are trying ,,or say they are trying to get over or beyond,,,,to be honest ,,they are mostly women in need,,,and the end result borders on the pathetic ,,,It is a cheap way of trying to make friends which proves pretty hopeless ,,,
Maybe this is just a momentary lapse into the netherworld of sorrowful self flagilation ???..I am headed for the very ripe version of 63 in a week,,and the one thing I always wanted in my life has eluded me save for 2 terrible periods in my life ,,,and for the other times either I was too damn intimidated, or insecure in myself,,It could have been worse, I could have been a raging and out of control alcoholic ,,,I find myself more and more living in the past, then in the present ,,,I guess it comes with getting older ,,,for me anyway ,,,it was a much better time all around ,,,,then again I never seemed to understand the rules ot the game especially once the game had begun,,,and I couldn't stop it to have a do-over,,,which would have been nice ,,,
I have always ,,or mostly always looked at the bad bits ,,,and dwell on what might have been if this went this way or went that way,,,,and generally it has come out in balance ,,and perhaps that is the best of all worlds when the scores are tallied..
I am not sure what I want to do...I feel like a stalled old chevy chevette trying to figure out how the hell to get back onto the freeway,,
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