Moving Forward
I wanted to share a journal, but as you all know it just disappears...so I have decided that those of you who can share I am going to let this journal be:
How do you feel you have moved on since the death of your child?
Do you feel you feel you are starting to move forward and than Boom it is all back again...how did you feel....
What steps and thoughts do you feel helps you to begin to move forwar
Even if we feel we go or are moving forward then we go backwards again..Maybe there are thoughts you can share that will help someone...help me some ways that ways that has helped you that maybe we have never thought about to help us move forward..
f if have any thought you would like to share perhaps that will help others along the way...share...we are search for answers...at least I know I do....
Thanks,
Sandi
How do you feel you have moved on since the death of your child?
Do you feel you feel you are starting to move forward and than Boom it is all back again...how did you feel....
What steps and thoughts do you feel helps you to begin to move forwar
Even if we feel we go or are moving forward then we go backwards again..Maybe there are thoughts you can share that will help someone...help me some ways that ways that has helped you that maybe we have never thought about to help us move forward..
f if have any thought you would like to share perhaps that will help others along the way...share...we are search for answers...at least I know I do....
Thanks,
Sandi
Replies
This is a good idea Sandi.
I know a lot of people will say their belief has pulled them through. I can\'t honestly say that because I have a flowing belief that changes with ideas that come to me, books I read, people I talk to. The only constant in my belief is that there is eternal Life and it is good. I don\'t KNOW what is.
I think being with my granddaughters has helped me to move forward through the path of grief. They are young and when I\'m with them they need constant attention and it keeps in the moment. Little time to reflect. It is good in that respect, but it also wears me out a lot, and when I\'m tired I feel sadder.
Most definitely sharing with my FMO sister\'s has helped me tremendously, and attempting to help others that are newer on the path, or just having a hard time.
I have to admit taking medication has been a pivotal point for me. It wasn\'t until I started a regiment of Remeron and Zoloft that I felt any peace at all.
I hope you get a lot of answers to your journal. I\'ll be coming here frequently to see what others say. Sending you love, and hope you a finally free of the terrible back ache. Terry
Thanks Teri your sharing gave a lo of great ideas and touts on when you are tired is some of your sad times. I hope to get a lot of responses and form them so that it can help them through our process and maybe some of our ways of coping will help others. Thanks terry..
I have to almost ditto Terry... If not for Kate and the grandkids I don\'t think I would have cared enough to go on.. even know how much Jim needs me wasn\'t enough..
I know a lot of moms say their faith but I had a real crisis of faith about Jenn dying. I was very angry (at God) for a LONG time and we (I) am just now starting to get back on speaking terms.. my GF says God has big shoulders and he understands and can take it. ... hope so. becaue Ido believe in something after.. and when it is my time Jenn will be waiting for me.
It wasn\'t until I found FMO that all the pieces started coming together..
I am also on antidepressants (Prestiq for me) and that definitely helped my mood.
So, as you can see between time (3 1/2 years for me), meds, love of FMO moms and family I have made it this far.. and although I will never be the MaryLou I was, I am becoming the best new MaryLou I can be.
Hugs, MaryLou
I feel that I can never make sense of it, nor can I ever get over it. But I know I can live with it, albeit a different life now. The guilt I feel about David\'s death never goes away and probably never will - but I do understand that guilt in all it\'s forms goes with this territory. Yes, I was in denial - yes, I should have looked harder at his treatments - and yes, I should have believed he might die and acted as such. But what mother really, truly believes her son can die? Well, not me I guess. Just seems so clear in retrospect. But then, what doesn\'t?
I am not angry at anyone or any entity - just so, so sad. Why me - but, why not me, I guess?
One thing I am certain of is that if I hadn\'t had other children to have to get to school in the mornings or be responsible for, I\'m not sure I ever would have got out of bed. And I am so grateful for what I have left in this life. I just feel that life is for the living - what-ever one\'s beliefs.
Hope you are doing well ~ Joanna
I believe that for me until I found peace within the idea that \"moving forward\" did not mean loving Douglas less or that I was forgetting him I simply could not take those healing steps.
It is three steps forward and two back yet never, ever am I back to where I was on that tragic day almost four years ago. Even when I don\'t feel as I\'m progressing on this path I am because healing is for each of us and not just a \"select few.\"
I know that my life is just a dash and blink in the grand scheme of things and that I\'m meant to be living it as best as I\'m able. Some days I feel more purpose and other days intense sadness yet what I am doing is feeling and that is where my healing is.
I too appreciate this journal and will be like Terry and checking back in to hear from our other sisters of the heart. I would like to know your thoughts too on this Sandi.
Alone we are not on this path and for me it is the deep longing and missing of my son that will always BE with me. That I do carry forward on this path that I certainly don\'t remember signing up for yet find myself on.
Loving care to all my sisters of the heart this day and in the ones ahead.
XO Joanie
Thanks for askin Joanie. I am a little over 2 years and yet it seems like yesterday...I still cry sometimes more than others times...
A thought like today brought some sadness to me as I was taking a shower, the thought came to me that Ken did everything they told him to do such as a lot of showers to help keep germs away..brusing his teeth..yet he did not survive..It made me sad but it also made me think he did it was not like he just sat around and did nothng waiting to die he faught..........One of the big things I have helped myself with is Learing that Post
traumatic Stress Snydrom is for and can happen to anyone. I leaned that it had happeded to me one day as I would sit and cry and go over and over in my mind what had happened to him..at first I didn\'t know what it was but as it was finally explained to me...it iis something you go through when a tramutic happends in your life like what we know loosing our child. I had to learn that when I was getting into PTS over something I would remember and it would break my heart and I would feel like I was right at the beginnin again...but as I watched these trigger happen I may go ahead and let myself cry then I would tell myself that I can not change it...I can only cange me..so whe it happens now I will go and have a total meltdown and then my heart didn\'t ache so deep. This same meltdown happened again Sunday ...my friend asked me a question and I told her how bad my legs hurt walking last night and it brought my memories that and I started crying...So ends up I didn\'t know she goes gets my husband....he has learned said sometime I need him to react other just let me have my tears...the one big this I did just this week was over that happening with my friends..Most all have said I have pulled away or or distanced mysefl...and I have but I realized that it is because they don\'t want to hear me cry. So she brought up was I any better this last Sunday and truthfully I had no ideal what she was talking about so after two year of this with on of my closest friends...I decided to tell her what I had leaned ad hope dhe didn\'t get mad..I said you know It\'s you that will no t let me be me...I can\'t even recall what your talking about....and of course by that time she told me and of course most people are trying to help and feel and blame it on nerves...so I told her..I said first it does not hurt to cry I lost my child..and I may cry off and on how long I don\'t know and second because she was trying to tell me he was in Heaven safe out of paini...I told her that I knew..but my tears was knowing now how much pain he endured and never knowing it what he was with me...I finally said what hurts me is no one wants to talk aboiut him...I brought him into this world I raised him, he was my son...he was Somebody...and that it was okay to cry..I felt it was good for one to cry....and then she said something..but then it makes me want to cry...so I said it is you that don\'t want to cry...this I can not help other than you can stay away from because if something happens a good memory bad memory and tears come I will cry...that took a lot of courage for me to say it to my friend...
More to is that I am still in a work in process...helping others have helped me DS, my journals....my friends on here, but I feel I am facing reality that I still have a long way to go and ever though the path is hard to travel...there are thoses that are here who are walking in my shoes and know this pain I am walking in and who will step up to give me a hug, hold my hand..To me this is a life long process...since our children were our life long process and were taken a bit too soon for us to understand...so we continue to walk in our shoes and each others shoes and as sad as it is to say to the new ones who will be here...lets to hope for them it is not too soon MY LOVE GOES TO ALL ON THIS SITE WHO HAS GIVEN ME AND SHOWN ME THE WAY..THAT THEY TWO WERE AT THE SAME SPOT AND SOME FARTHER ALONG THAN ME...FOR EACH THAT HAS HAD THE FAITH IN ME TO GET THIS FAR...SANDI
SANDI I started to heal little by little after someone told me of this sight and found others felt the same way and I was no longer all alone in my grief. Writing as I am to you has helped me a lot more than I realized at first. This site with the help of all these wonderful ladies we help each other heal. Helping each other is an aid in the healing process. No one else will understand fully our pain. I hope one day your memories will make you smile and a happy tear will of couse fall. I was told that crying is an act of cleansing. That is how I treated my outbursts of tears, they just need to come out.
I too have grandkids that keep me out of trouble with out their love and their need to hug and be hugged back I dont think I would want to keep moving forward, they have reinstalled life into me.
Warm tight hugs Penny
Sandi, I guess if anything has helped me it would be trying to spend as much time as I could with my granddaughters. They are so sweet and never question why Nana cries, they just know I do. Some days I feel like it was yesterday that I could call and talk to Jeff but then I realize that he is gone and I have to put one foot in front of the other somehow. I still cry and it has been 6 years and 7 months since the day we lost our Jeff. People really don\'t know how to deal when a song or anything else makes me break down. Also, if I get to see any of Jeff\'s friends and talk to them about what is going on in their lives, that helps me too. Reading books that has dealt with grief and death has helped me a lot. I keep going back to the book \"Why Bad Things Happen to Good People\" and it has helped me some too. Finding people like you Sandi has also helped me too.
Your friend,
Nell
It has only been seven months since I lost my precious son, so it will be hard to offer any advice. I feel so alone and totally cheated out of the life and love from my child. I hurt so bad, cry all the time and frankly I am mad as hell!! Do any of these feelings help me?? No, but there they are anyway.
I know what you mean when you were talking about your friend. I feel like my closest friends have backed off a little bit too. Maybe it is me. Maybe they don\'t want to hear me talk about Dean or see me cry. I don\'t know the answer, but it hurts. The only thing that I can say helps me is to push all thoughts of him, to the back of my mind and refuse to think about him, until I am alone. Hopefully, I will find some things that will help me soon.
BTY...I wrote a private messge to you. (((HUGS)))...Julia