I've been up and down for months. Sometimes I feel like I am getting better....really deep down I'm not. I get into these moods where I completly avoid and hide away from everyone & everything... I don't get it.. I have done it many times i don't go to work, I don't go to school, I don't go outside I barly leave my room I just sleep, eat and hide away for days.. This time its been about a week almost where I haven't really moved around much at all....I know myself... Maybe I don't want to get better? Maybe nothing is really wrong with me.. and this is just how I am... maybe I'm never gonna finish school... or get a real job.. I dunno ...  Something sets me off to become this way but I don't exactly what.. I guess its the negitive thoughts I have lead to believe in my head... the negitive thoughts about myself..that I am dumb , I'm ugly , I'm weak..  I don't wanna believe this but I do.. This is what someone I have brain washed myself to be.Usually I go for days upbeat and blind sided by the damange I am doin.... I don;t get it.. sometimes I am happy, hyper sometimes I'm angry and upsett... generally I will have 3/4 days out of the week where I am happy and content then the rest is a BIG WASTE i just sleep and sleep and sleep. I can\t even begin to collect my thoughts most of the time .I can't think straight I wish I could elabreate on that... let's see.... I can't concentrate, I feel like I am emotionless ( if that's even a word) I don't don't how to express myself with how I feel....