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So this has been a weird last few days,I dont know how to handle anything.I cant hurt myself and have no desire to. So im not numb haven't abused any pills either.i dont know what to do....im scared.My "high" so to speak has disappeared and i feel like im crashing without a safety net.I tried to talk to victor about my feelings last net and every time i tried to make out a sentence i got all chocked up. fuck i dont understand. Im afraid to cry because i might not stop.i dont know if i can do this,i miss being numb.

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deleted_user
deleted_user

Annie, sure you miss being numb. It was your coping mechanism for so many years, wasn\'t it. Now, since you are making progress you are realizing what real living experiences are like. This is just like someone throwing you in the pool and overseeing while you are learning to swim. You are not alone, honey, so keep talking as your new coping skill. If you need to take a break to feel your feelings, just do it and feel the release. It is good. Keep your supprort system close around you and use them. Good work, and remember, it may seem like some things go on forever but they won\'t. It just feels that way.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Annie: Congradulations, :) You can;t see the break through you made? Your coming out of it now and your being introduced to the child in you. I say cry! ! ! It is time for you to cry for that little girl that was done so wrong, Mourn her so you can go forward. Ask you therapist about this, okay! ! ! Promise me... Your almost there baby girl...And there means to the Road to Recovery. What is FEAR? Fuck Everything And Run, but today you learning a new path and FEAR MEANS Face Everything And Recover ! ! ! And that is what your doing sweet heart. Your facing your fears, and your getting over them...I think that is so awesome, this therapist and your vacation for a few days, has really brought you a long way. A very long way...The only thing I see you need to do, so you can get past is maybe do what I was told to do. My therapist had me buy a doll that represented me. And I did, went and got me a cabbage patch doll and named her Kacey, and I sat and craddled her, and protected her, and cried over her, asking God why? I know it sounds weird, but it taught me how to love that little girl, and to know that she was safe now. I gave her away, and I may take my own advice, and go and get me a doll and name her Kacey, so me and her can have a talk like we use too. It was really healthy for me, and really brought me a long way. Well girl, Let me introduce you to Annie Sparks, and let her fly, because she is free, FREE, FREE FREE, from all the terrible things that was done to her. Now all you have to do is learn to live in the new world, and craddle that beautiful little girl inside of you. FLY BABY GIRL FLY AND REJOICE YOU HAVE FINALY MADE YOUR BREAK THROUGH, AND IT REALLY IS NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK, IT IS JUST A NEW BEGINING, AND If your bipolar like me, I am scared to death of changes. They just flat make me nervous. But remember what I said about feelings? They are like the weather, snowing one day, rainy the next, storms, then sunshine. Well get ready for the sunshine it is on it way. Just keep you head up and walk thru the pain and I promise you God will see you thru it. I love you girl, and am so proud of you, and I am happy for you. Because it is just a break through. Lots Of Love, Kacey
butterflybaby15
butterflybaby15

Great job this is good news. to me it shows you are healing. jjust dry girl just cry. it does help. Annalee. i like what kase said, face fear aand recover!!!