I was doing so well, I went four days without hurting myself.  Then tonight, I am having trouble calming or relaxing myself and the only other way of doing that is by cutting.  It has helped alittle but I am still shaking some and I still can not lay down and fall asleep.  Otherwise, I guess it did not work.  Hopefully things will calm down and I will be able to relax before I cut myself again.  But if I don't relax I will not be able to sleep and tomorrow will be horrible, specially when I have to babysit my niece and nephew.
There are nights I can't get to sleep til 2:00 - 3:00 in the morning.  When that happens the next day is terrible and I am exhausted and very non-productive.  I just wish things were not happening like this.  I wish I was normal and didn't have problems.  I have enough problems with the way I feel that, I wish sleeping was not added to that.
I am feeling a tad bit better since changing two of my medicines, but I am still not feeling all to well.  I do have times when things are going okay.  I still think the same things and feel the same about feeling hopeless and worthless.  It is hopeless to think that I have a future that is not full of pain and hurt and sadness.  It is also worthless of me think there is, plus me as a person is worthless.  Nobody wants me, nobody likes me.  I have no friends, except the ones on this website and they barely know me.  If they did they would run away as fast as possible.
Why am I so messed up and pointless?