Things are alittle bit better, but they are still not good all to well.  I talked with my doctor again and she raised another one of my medicines and if this does not work and things are still not going well then she is going to have to change almost all my meds to she if that works.  I will give until Tuesday to see if the change works because I already have to stop by her office when I am in Winter Haven for my therapy appointment.  I am getting upset at the little things, things that should not make me upset.  Like when my mom blames me for her ruining her pots, usually it would make me alittle mad but I was actually crying alittle.
When I get upset, my hands start shaking really bad and I start to cry and now when I get really angery I also start shaking and crying.  Getting angery or upset or disappointed at myself or I need to relax, are some of the reasons that cause the strong urge to cut or harm myself in anyway.
Today I got both upset and angery so bad that not even cutting would ease the problem.  I wanted to take the knife and stab it right through my hand, I was hurting so bad.  If it wasn't for the fact that my niece and nephew came over at that time, I would probably have try to stab my hand plus maybe even cut myself.
I don't know how much longer I can put up with living with my parents and brother.  Part of it is the fact that part of the reason why are am feeling this way is because of them.  I would never tell them that because I know that I will really hurt their feelings and I really don't want to do that.  I am always afraid of hurting other people or bothering them.  Like I was afraid to call my doctor because I thought she might get affended or mad at me.