It seems everytime I get upset at myself or at the situation I cut myself.  I have so many cuts on my thighs it is bad.  I don't know what to do anymore, I am giving up on this situation.  I don't think that the change is going to work, so I will be calling my doctor again on Friday.  I am not sure what she is going to say or do, which is making me scared.  I have only been seeing this doctor for two years and I have never been in this kind of trouble so I don't know what her reaction will be.  I afraid she wants to admit me to the hospital that things with my parents will great much much worse.
I was talking with my mom tonight, not about whats going on, but about not being able to sleep and not wanting to play softball anymore.  She told me since all I do all day is lay in bed or watch television that I will not sleep.  But she doesn't understand that I can't go do anything, I have no will or energy to and for playing softball I have to because I made a commitment, which in most cases I would agree but with the way I feel right now I do not think I can so I guess I  will be playing softball even though I have no interest to.  I just don't know how to talk to them without making things worse.