Things haven't changed much around here.  I am having major trouble with cutting.  I cut and I want to stop but I can't.  When I do cut I feel nothing so I keep cutting till I do which has not happened yet.  The pain, the frustation and the hatred is still there.  As I am writing this I have a strong urge to hurt myself.  I can't relax, I shake at times, I can't think.  I am so tired of things which makes me feel worse.
I want to do something that will help and make everything stop.  I can't handle this much longer.  My strength is getting weaker all the time.  the urge to go out and do something is greating lower.  All I want to do is stay in bed, but the positive side to this is I have to get out of bed to watch my niece and nephew.  It is getting more difficult for me to want to deal with things that are going on.
I am hating myself even more and my self value is pretty much not here anymore.  I value myself as nothing I should not even exist.  No one should have to care or deal with me.