I can't sleep at night last night it took me till 3:30/4:00 to finally fall asleep and then I was up at 8:30.  I am having nightmares and bad dreams.  when I close my eyes I see a million things race through my head and it takes along time to get them to finally slow down.  when they do my bad dreams start.  I have dreams about bad things happening to me so I am always opening my eyes to make sure nothing or no one is in the room with me.  This is a nightly thing.
Things at my house are not getting any better and its making it hard for me to deal with the things going on with me.  I have a hard enough time try to stay up and positive (which is not working very well).  Things are not going very well with me either, I started cutting and hurting myself again after not doing it for 2 months.  each time I cut it doesn't stop the pain and the hurt so I want to do it again and worse the next to.  I can't stop.  I hurts to much and cutting is the only way I know how to make it stop alittle.  nothing ever makes it go away for good. 
I hate myself and everything that I stand for I hate my existance at times I wish things were over and I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.  Everything about me is wrong.  I can't even find or have a relationship with anyone because I am so wrong and worthless to have that kind of happiness. 

Replies

stevebhopes
stevebhopes

I am so sorry for the torment you are having. I can relate to not being able to sleep. That has been happening to me lately. I have cut for years so I can identify there too. I nearly lost my life due to an infection from a severe cut. I sure hope you can stop doing that. It is a form of self hate and there is no future in it. I have heard it said that holding a piece of ice tightly in your fist can be a good substitute. Please don\'t hate yourself, you are just going through a tough time right now. You are not so worthless that somebody couldn\'t love you. You are hurting and I want you to know I care and that I am here for you if you ever need to talk. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree, you are not alone. You are not worthless and you have people that care. I care! I want to be here for you. I know how it feels to be sad and feel like theres no way out. There is a way out, and you are not alone!