I hate myself and everything that has to do with me.  Everything I do seems to go wrong it seems that I can't ever do anything right.  I had to watch my niece today and all she did when I held her was cry as soon as my dad took her she stopped, if/when my dad goes back to work I will be left to watch her myself and I don't think I can watch her myself.  She is just to much to handle right now.  I have a hard time getting out of bed or making through the day without having to sleep and if I have her it will be difficult to make it through the day with enough energy.
I always feel like I need to hurt myself this feeling I have in me is so bad it makes me shake at times.  I am always wanting to hit a wall or something.  I want to cry all the time.  I don't sleep much when I close my eyes everything just flashes in front of me I can't pin point one thing because they are all going so fast and there are so many things.  When I do fall asleep I have nightmares and bad dreams.
I can't take the way I am feeling always depressed even when I am having a good day I am still feeling depressed just not as severe.  I have trouble leaving and doing things throughout the day.  My parents remind me of it everyday.  My mom says its all my fault for just not leaving and that makes me feel worse.  I don't know what to say to her to make her understand exactly what I am going through I also get reminded all the time by my brother that I am not working so that makes him better than me and it means that he does not have to do anything around the house at all.  To top it all off I am 31 years old and am having to live with my parents and by there rules this makes my day even hard to deal with.