update
Dear Friends,
Where do I begin, so much has happened in the last few months. Steve has been in the hospital 4 times since October. He had his last kidney removed on Oct 10. He started dialysis two weeks before that. The combination of the two has been overwhelming.
How did things get so bad so fast? I am grateful for the many times that we were Stable, the magic word for so many cancer patients. So many years, 15 in all that we trudged along with this monster and then the monster inside reared its ugly head and began to tear our world apart.
The surgery itself went ok. The tumor was so big that he was not able to use the robot to get it. He had five robotic holes and then a 6 inch incision the doctor used to pull the tumor out with his hands. It was much larger than thought and it was huge!
We were moving along and then he developed a complication. One percent of surgery patients have this. He began to leak fluid from his lymp nodes in the stomach. He began to fill with fluid and they took him down and drew 7 liters of fluid off. He immediately began to feel better! They allowed us to come home with a strict diet. No fat and high protein. I have managed but it is so hard!
We went back this past Wed and had 5.5 liters of fluid drawn off again. The next step is withdraw all fluid and feed him by IV.
Steve has always been a fighter but I have to admit that he wanted to withdraw all help and just go to be with the Lord. We convinced him that it was not his time and I truly believe that! He is fighting again.
He has an appointment on Monday with a cardiologist because his cardio gram was not normal. I just don't know how much more he or I can stand. But we are not alone. Our Lord and Savior is with us. He is our refuse and strength.
We all must die to be reborn. We look outside to see the flowers and leaves dying but we know that in the spring we will see them again. So goes our lives. The separation is going to be so hard, unbearable. I dread it with every fiber of my being.
Please pray for us, as you pray for Ingrid and Ray. He is very low right now.
Much love, Wanda
Where do I begin, so much has happened in the last few months. Steve has been in the hospital 4 times since October. He had his last kidney removed on Oct 10. He started dialysis two weeks before that. The combination of the two has been overwhelming.
How did things get so bad so fast? I am grateful for the many times that we were Stable, the magic word for so many cancer patients. So many years, 15 in all that we trudged along with this monster and then the monster inside reared its ugly head and began to tear our world apart.
The surgery itself went ok. The tumor was so big that he was not able to use the robot to get it. He had five robotic holes and then a 6 inch incision the doctor used to pull the tumor out with his hands. It was much larger than thought and it was huge!
We were moving along and then he developed a complication. One percent of surgery patients have this. He began to leak fluid from his lymp nodes in the stomach. He began to fill with fluid and they took him down and drew 7 liters of fluid off. He immediately began to feel better! They allowed us to come home with a strict diet. No fat and high protein. I have managed but it is so hard!
We went back this past Wed and had 5.5 liters of fluid drawn off again. The next step is withdraw all fluid and feed him by IV.
Steve has always been a fighter but I have to admit that he wanted to withdraw all help and just go to be with the Lord. We convinced him that it was not his time and I truly believe that! He is fighting again.
He has an appointment on Monday with a cardiologist because his cardio gram was not normal. I just don't know how much more he or I can stand. But we are not alone. Our Lord and Savior is with us. He is our refuse and strength.
We all must die to be reborn. We look outside to see the flowers and leaves dying but we know that in the spring we will see them again. So goes our lives. The separation is going to be so hard, unbearable. I dread it with every fiber of my being.
Please pray for us, as you pray for Ingrid and Ray. He is very low right now.
Much love, Wanda
Replies
Dear Wanda, I am so very sorry. I can understand the worry and fears you must be coping with...that\'s what makes reading your journal so difficult. I know what a terribly difficult time it is for you and your family.
I believe Steve is feeling so very comforted by your love and support. I do hope that you can get enough rest. I am keeping you and Steve in my thoughts and prayers. You have been so brave and you\'ve inspired so many of us along this path we\'ve travelled together. I care very much and am here if you need. Love, LInda
Sweet Linda, you have always had the words to comfort me. I miss our talks.
Love you, Wanda
Wanda,
You are so sweet to continue to think of others while you and Steve walk this path. I hope you also take care of yourself while taking care of your sweet Steve. Agree so, as you have always been there for me and many more. Sending so many prayers and luv from a Texas,
Annette
Precious Wanda,
I am hurting along with you, Honey! These are very painful times for our precious men and us!!! Strange that God has chosen this time for the four of us to be \"in the same shoes at the same time\". I\'m always here for you!!!
Steve is very blessed to have you beside him. We must cherish every moment God gives us...and sure you are.
Ray has refused the feeding tube, and given up. So sad, but I\'m respecting his wishes. I feel it\'s important that he is able to control any small thing now.
I will be praying that the feeding tube gives Steve the strength to continue with \"the good fight\". He\'s been amazing, and so have you.
God bless you, my dear friend. I\'m always here for you.
My Love and Prayers,
Ingrid
Oh my dear Wanda, these are sad days here, and please know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
With all that Steve is going through, and you alongside him, there is no surprise that he felt like not going on anymore. But, and it is the biggest thing, I am sure that he wants to fight on because he truly isn\'t alone. Having you by his side, giving love, comfort, taking all the worry away, is, I am sure, the most wonderful motivation for him.
Praying that things become easier, praying that Steve\'s suffering is not too much to bear, and sending much love to both of you. You are such a strong couple, and have always been such an inspiration here in our little community.
all my love
Eve Meriel
Dearest Wanda,
As you go down this long and difficult path together, your abiding faith and religious beliefs will sustain you and give you that courage to face what is happening now. That you battled this disease for 15 years is an incredible feat. Steve is tired and rightly so. It has been a long long time. Please know that if I can be of any help with advice and such you can count on me. But it seems that you have a direct line to a higher power and that is even better. My prayers continue. Thanks for taking the time out to keep us up to date.
Love,
Gloria
Dear Sweet Wanda,
My heart is with you both. I\'m so very sorry that Steve and you are going through so much. You amaze me with your strength and courage and I know the Lord is comforting both of you.
I have you both in my prayers... Love and tender hugs.....Rach
I am so sorry, this is happening to you, Steve and Wanda.
Such sudden changes, after fighting The Good Fight - for so long.
When Steve feels that his life\'s work is done?
He knows that the Lord Jesus - will welcome him Home.
There is great comfort in that, the Greatest Comfort any of us can know.
God Bless You All - Ross
Wanda, I\'ve been off the site for so long because of a problem with the program itself.It\'s been months since since I could communicate. I would get the messages to my computer but had no way of answering them. I feel so badly for you and Steve right now. As you said things had been stable for so long. I pray that his determination to fight will get him through this. You must take care of yourself as well. And now Ingrid and Ray are strugling as well. I pray for all of you and know that the Lord knows what is best for us all. I just noticed that my firend request is still pending with you so I\'m not sure you will get this message. I had sent it a few months ago when I got back onto DS as we had written to each other previously but lost our connection with the computer problems I have.
Dearest Wanda, I haven\'t been on DS is a while, but was compelled to log on today. Don\'t ask me why, I guess I got a nudge from above. I am so sorry, ( and that isn\'t a big enough word to describe the feeling ) of how I feel about the current news. I have followed yours and Steves journey since I came on the site several years ago. I was always awed by the devotion and fight and strength you both have shown over the years. I had no idea that the fight had been going on for 15 years. I know that you are grateful for the time, but the fight has been a hard one at times. I am grateful that you both have such faith in the Lord. I know that this helps give you strength and a compass to guide you along the way. Know that I have had both of you in my thoughts and prayers daily. I know how much harder this is getting for you. I wish I was there to give your hand a squeeze or a big hug, so the words will have to do. As I have always asked please take care of yourself, I know how easy it is to forget when you are caring for Steve. If I can do anything else, let me know. Blessings to you both............Jane
Thank you to each of you from the bottom of my heart. I have missed you all so much. Steve wanted to go to church today and so we went. Bedroom shoes on because he can\'t get his feet in any of his shoes. I carried along his cushion to sit on because he seems to have lost all his weight off his butt. Sitting and laying in dialysis has caused his rear to become sore! We went and we cried with our church family.
Love to all, Wanda
SO glad he got to go to Church. Love you both..Rach
Wanda, you and Steve have so been on my mind. I want you to know both of you are in my prayers, please take care of yourself also. May peace and praise be with you.
Much luv and prayer my friend
Annette
A blessing, that of worship & the church family.
On Thanksgiving weekend.
A wonderfully strong show of faith.
Steve and Wanda, prayers for you, every day.
- Ross
You and your family are on my mind. I do check in here at times. I really hate to hear your troubles. I am glad your church family is there for you, embrace it. We are here for you as well. Loving you and yours... Christi