I'm Back!!
I took a couple of weeks off from pretty much everything. Been enjoying some down time before I start the next session of summer classes and pretty much have just been completely lame and useless :)
Things have been better. I am glad to have my son out of that school. He says he will start at the new school this fall with a renewed attitude. I sure hope so!!! My daughter is excited about her next year of high school. I'm a little over half-way to getting my degrees. I find myself quite comfortable with life. I have recouped and reassessed over the past couple of weeks and have renewed strength myself for pulling us up out of this financial gutter. It helps that I was finally approved for work study at the University and can at least make enough through that to pay the main bills. With that and the dance studio, I should at least manage to shuck away $5-10 here and there into savings!!!
I'm still wanting to find more personal fulfillment and enjoyment in life and think as the finances improve, I will be able to manage more opportunities to get out of the house. I find that I am now perfectly fine without a relationship. I am truly happy. But, with the restrictive budget, there are lame times. Now that I actually feel ready to get out with renewed interest and clarity of self, I do feel a bit stuck at times. I love my quiet nights and weekends at home reading, spending time with the kids and pets...but yeah, would love to be able to go see a movie or attend the theater or an art show...or pretty much anything....at least every now and then!!!
I am letting go a little bit of the family issues. I don't truly understand where my brother is coming from. Many of his actions/reactions seem very emotionally manipulative to me. I just don't know. Maybe I'm in denial or do justify too much. And maybe not. Either way, I am in a completely different space than my brother and that's pretty much that. He sent our dad a father's day card that read, "I'm sorry I can't be with you on father's day...." It just bothered me. He completely ignored my mother on mother's day. Not even a trite card. Then sent this card that he knows she's going to see to our dad. Just seemed a bit like a slap in the face. I just found it unnecessary. Couldn't he have just said Happy Father's Day? I just find no healthiness in what seems to me to be intentionally hitting out. But, that's just my take on things. So, I have to let it go. It's not mine to carry.
Things have been better. I am glad to have my son out of that school. He says he will start at the new school this fall with a renewed attitude. I sure hope so!!! My daughter is excited about her next year of high school. I'm a little over half-way to getting my degrees. I find myself quite comfortable with life. I have recouped and reassessed over the past couple of weeks and have renewed strength myself for pulling us up out of this financial gutter. It helps that I was finally approved for work study at the University and can at least make enough through that to pay the main bills. With that and the dance studio, I should at least manage to shuck away $5-10 here and there into savings!!!
I'm still wanting to find more personal fulfillment and enjoyment in life and think as the finances improve, I will be able to manage more opportunities to get out of the house. I find that I am now perfectly fine without a relationship. I am truly happy. But, with the restrictive budget, there are lame times. Now that I actually feel ready to get out with renewed interest and clarity of self, I do feel a bit stuck at times. I love my quiet nights and weekends at home reading, spending time with the kids and pets...but yeah, would love to be able to go see a movie or attend the theater or an art show...or pretty much anything....at least every now and then!!!
I am letting go a little bit of the family issues. I don't truly understand where my brother is coming from. Many of his actions/reactions seem very emotionally manipulative to me. I just don't know. Maybe I'm in denial or do justify too much. And maybe not. Either way, I am in a completely different space than my brother and that's pretty much that. He sent our dad a father's day card that read, "I'm sorry I can't be with you on father's day...." It just bothered me. He completely ignored my mother on mother's day. Not even a trite card. Then sent this card that he knows she's going to see to our dad. Just seemed a bit like a slap in the face. I just found it unnecessary. Couldn't he have just said Happy Father's Day? I just find no healthiness in what seems to me to be intentionally hitting out. But, that's just my take on things. So, I have to let it go. It's not mine to carry.
Replies
Raniagale, here is a thought about your brothers action. i am not saying it is for sure but just something to think over.
Here it is... Often times the person that is the serious issue is not looked as the source . With this it is transferred over to some one else who is safe to blame because the person will not reject.
This is a little number my mother did with me.
Post finding out my brother was, at the time, a drug addict... instead of berating him and expressing her anger at him she put it to me. I some how was out of the blue the one that was suspect ... I was never into drugs or even drinking.
I was treated like my mother should have been treating my brother but he got off free with out having to be responsible so to speak. I was always forced to be the responsible one then treated like a meat head at the same time. It still goes like this. I am the female and the female can be blamed ... not the MAN.
I was terribly confused and hurt at the time but I knew it was so off and out of whack at some point, it was an awful experience. It changed me forever in terms of my mother. I had to see how clearly out of it she was and is.
Thing is ... people do this kind of stuff. I think it is called transference. Don\'t know for sure if this is applicable to your situation but just a bit of info.
Good to hear you are doing well and have some balance happening. Art shows , at least gallery openings are free . In my part of town the main museums have free days. There are always meet up groups that do movies ... often times out side in the summer. That part is what happens in CA. Just ideas. Look up meetup.org