This week
Grr. I had a very long epistle written. About my ups and downs. This time of year has so many triggers. Lisa left us on December 1, 2009. It will be 6 years. The memories of our preparations for her first Christmas back home in 10 years keep coming back. The gift i got for her the prior summer - candle sticks that I knew she would have loved them.
Andrew and Tiina were here for a couple of days. We had a lovely visit. But I kept thinking how wonderful it would have been to have Lisa and family here. Up and down, and up and down. Crap.
Then, after Andrew and Tiina left I turned on the TV and learned about the Paris terrorist attacks. I love Paris and am horrified by the senseless slaughter. I travel a lot and immediately think that but for the Grace of God, I could be there. I have lived in cities that have survived terrorist attacks. But I refuse to live in fear. I won't be foolish - I would love to visit Syria but I will give it a pass for now.
I worry for the Muslim people who only want to live a quiet life and provide for their families. I do not for one minute think that every Muslim wants to kill me. If so, I would have been dead years ago! Many of my nursing staff were loving caring people who I would trust my life to. Our mayor, Naheed Nenshi, is a devout Ismaili Muslim. He has received accolades around the world. He is the best mayor ever!! Despite the fact that our Calgary Stampede occurred during Ramadan, our mayor attended all the celebrations. There is a pancake breakfast almost every morning - Naheed was there, meeting the people and speechifying. In fact, he was hoarse most of the time. Muslims fast during daylight hours during Ramadan. He was unable to eat or drink but never missed a chance to meet with the people. During our devastating flood in 2013, he was front and centre. He rallied the troops. I am very proud to have him as our leader.
I am not so naive to think that we don't have terrorists here. I think a few Calgarians are terrorists who have gone to join El Qaida or Isis/Isil. But in my mind they are not Muslims. They are terrorists, plain and simple. They use religion to justify their slaughter.
I know there will be huge opposition to Syrian immigrants coming to Canada after the Paris attacks. I cannot in all consciousness refuse someone who is only looking for a safe place to live and raise a family. I am the daughter of an immigrant. Why am I so special? Actually, unless we are aboriginals, we are all immigrants.
So now that I have gotten that off my chest, I will close.
Lisa: I miss you so much - Cevyn is coming for the few days before Christmas. I am so excited!! I just wish you were here with her - in person. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
I
Andrew and Tiina were here for a couple of days. We had a lovely visit. But I kept thinking how wonderful it would have been to have Lisa and family here. Up and down, and up and down. Crap.
Then, after Andrew and Tiina left I turned on the TV and learned about the Paris terrorist attacks. I love Paris and am horrified by the senseless slaughter. I travel a lot and immediately think that but for the Grace of God, I could be there. I have lived in cities that have survived terrorist attacks. But I refuse to live in fear. I won't be foolish - I would love to visit Syria but I will give it a pass for now.
I worry for the Muslim people who only want to live a quiet life and provide for their families. I do not for one minute think that every Muslim wants to kill me. If so, I would have been dead years ago! Many of my nursing staff were loving caring people who I would trust my life to. Our mayor, Naheed Nenshi, is a devout Ismaili Muslim. He has received accolades around the world. He is the best mayor ever!! Despite the fact that our Calgary Stampede occurred during Ramadan, our mayor attended all the celebrations. There is a pancake breakfast almost every morning - Naheed was there, meeting the people and speechifying. In fact, he was hoarse most of the time. Muslims fast during daylight hours during Ramadan. He was unable to eat or drink but never missed a chance to meet with the people. During our devastating flood in 2013, he was front and centre. He rallied the troops. I am very proud to have him as our leader.
I am not so naive to think that we don't have terrorists here. I think a few Calgarians are terrorists who have gone to join El Qaida or Isis/Isil. But in my mind they are not Muslims. They are terrorists, plain and simple. They use religion to justify their slaughter.
I know there will be huge opposition to Syrian immigrants coming to Canada after the Paris attacks. I cannot in all consciousness refuse someone who is only looking for a safe place to live and raise a family. I am the daughter of an immigrant. Why am I so special? Actually, unless we are aboriginals, we are all immigrants.
So now that I have gotten that off my chest, I will close.
Lisa: I miss you so much - Cevyn is coming for the few days before Christmas. I am so excited!! I just wish you were here with her - in person. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
I
Replies
Marlene I agree with you 100% about the terrorist. They are not Muslims they are evil incarnated. They have got to be eradicated from our world, it just has to happen.
I hope the holidays are gentle to you, and that horrible anniversary we face each year.
I remember the first Christmas after Jason passed. I literally could not face it. I got some antianxiety pills from the doctor and slept through the whole thing.
I\'m sorry your first draft was lost. Usually when I write, and I see it\'s becoming a long journal, I save it for myself only to see. I do that after every couple of paragraphs along the way just to make sure I have it. Then, once it\'s completed I save it a final time for whomever I choose to be able to read it.
This time of year brings a flood of memories and emotions. It\'s easy to visualize every scene, almost every word spoken that \"last\" Christmas. The last gifts, last hugs, last smiles....last I love you\'s....
Like you, I don\'t view Muslims as evil. I know very little about the Muslim religion, and as far as I know, have only ever met one Muslim...Ahmed, who joined us in Park City. Such a kind, compassionate, and loving man. It was an honor to meet him. (Lana\'s husband, if you recall). Many have been murdered throughout the ages in the name of \"god\" (lower case because the god they serve cannot be God, otherwise they would not be murdering people....MY opinion!). Even Christians have murdered in the name of god. This is why I care so very little....actually, don\'t give a rats ass....what religion anyone confesses. I care only what their life reveals about their heart. That\'s when you know if someone has a heart for God or not. It\'s not the one standing on the rooftop screaming his love for God....it\'s the quiet one in the shadows giving to the less fortunate without needing or wanting glory for themselves.
I\'m glad Cevyn will be joining you and Joe for Christmas. She\'s a special girl....a real hoot! I truly enjoyed meeting her. Had I been just a wee bit younger, I would have been able to keep up! LOL!
It\'s beyond sad...and scary...what happened in Paris. This world....I just don\'t know how much longer it will spin with humans on it. God help us all.
Tightest of heart hugs to you dear friend as you continue your journey~
My heart is heavy with everything,,, this time of year for us both and the world....love and hugs....... and tears.
Yes the sadness of our hearts for our children and the horror of people who cannot live in peace. I will never understand why this has happened. Reading your comments I was trying to remember the last Christmas with the girls. Marissa and Matt came over in their PJs to have our morning gifts. Jennifer was happy to have them here with us. They were both on IV\'s and for New Years they partied at home. Chinese food for dinner and snacks at midnight.. We always did thing so simply, not a big deal.
It is good to remember those times. Peace, Kathy
It\'s so weird having what most people view as a happy time- the holidays- being a time of sorrow & grief for us. I know it must be hard for you, Marlene; it is for me too. Charlie\'s second Angel Day comes in Jan., right on the heels of the Christmas season. I\'m dreading it, also.
I hope that you\'ll get through Lisa\'s Angel Day as peacefully as possible. I\'ll be thinking of you & praying that you get through the day as easily as you can. I hope that Lisa will be very close to you that day; indeed, I hope she\'s close to you EVERY day.
So glad to hear that Cevyn\'s coming at Christmas! Hope that some of the pain you feel will be replaced by the joy of seeing her!!!
Wishing the best for you, my friend.
Love & Hugs,
Donna
Tightest of ((((hugs))))) sending light and love your way.
Xoxoxo Cindy
Feeling your heart and sending you mine dearest Marlene. Grateful you have Cevyn\'s visit to look forward to as you have tender days ahead.
I think if each of us could just go back and remember some of our \"kindergarten lessons\" in how to treat others our world would be such a kinder place. Sharing our toys in the sandbox, taking naps and BEing there for ourselves and one another is what matters. Seeing the spark of the Divine in each and every BEing as we have been created from that Source. Remembering that everything is on loan and we are simply called to be faithful and good stewards. Deepest of sighs...
Prayers for ALL and for a Universal Healing within our hearts one moment and day at a time.
Loving care to Lisa and her mum from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
Yes, the date our children were born to us and left us seems to be in every cell of our bodies. There is so much missing and longing. It is hard to think of the people in Paris going through the mourning process. I too think of terrorists as terrorists and wish that evil in the world did not exist whatever the \"bent\" beliefs in the religions. Sending you love, Leda
(Just lost that comment and backed up, copied it and hopefully it will go through this time.)
It is so hard to this time of year. I, too, remember the last Christmases, birthdays, Mother\'s Day and I love You. I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired during this time of year. I agree with what you were saying about Muslins too and also what Terri was saying about people preaching religion. Like she said it\'s the quiet one in the shadows giving to the less fortunate without needing or wanting glory for themselves.
That\'s what true religion should be.
Much love to you and Lisa,
Nell
Oh Marlene the ups & downs really tug at our heart don\'t they? I\'m hugging you with all my strength sweet friend & I love you with all my heart.
Those \" I wishes \" never let up it seems..I hope your spirit feels a litter lighter today...
Yes, it\'s been a terrible time, listening/watching the news from Paris. Israel stands beside her, of course. It would be good if europeans understood that Israel lives with terrorism 24/7 and would hope that people would empathize with her, too. Life is hard when your neighbors want to kill you.
The holidays coming up make all of us sensitive. Loving one son, enjoying him and his exploits, always leaves me missing the other. So I understand very well. Family time is great, I loved our 50th anniversary party, but one child is always missing. Our Jacob leaves a great, big, hole. He had such a big personality. Nothing to say, except I\'m with you and your lovely Lisa.
Stay active, I\'m finding it very hard to start walking again, since I stopped for so long. Hope to see you sometime again, another retreat? could be. love, abby
Hi Mar, I know how you feel dear friend. It is so hard this time of year.
The news is so awful on the t.v. The feeling is one of helplessness.
Hang in there. hugs, rose
I\'m so glad Cevyn is coming to visit. It\'s good to have something to look forward to. Hope you find the holidays to be gentle ones. I wish we could just turn the calendar ahead to January and be done with it. Love and hugs, Paula
Wow...of course this time is going to be particularly hard for you. It s hard for all of us, but since it happened when it did...I\'m so sorry.
I lost Cassi February 2, 2014...so I have no use for Valentine\'s Day...but I have and will continue to ignore Thanksgiving and Christmas as well, as much as possible. That is my plan, but Halloween really set me off this year, Cassi loved Halloween so much and even though she was 22, in some ways she was a kid at heart and always would have been, always will be.
Of course there are nice Muslims...there are terrorist zealots in all religions, EVEN Christianity...I could name some examples but I try not to get in political or religious disagreements here, I deal with that enough on Facebook. It isn\'t easy being a Democrat in the deep south, but I still stand up for what I believe in and always will no matter how outnumbered I am.
I wish I could be there with you for Christmas...we could start our own traditions. I must tell you, 4 years ago Cassi spent Christmas in Canada and it was one of the happiest times in her life. We both wanted to move there, but it\'s very hard to do!
I hope you are doing better today.
All my Love,
Gina