Feeling down

I think I am in for another sleepless night.  I tried to go to bed but just started thinking about Lisa - reliving her last days and thinking about what I should have done differently.  I know there is not much I could have done but I could have at least been with her. 
So it is the pity party for me tonight as I sit here and cry - I miss her so much.
I know this will pass - generally I am a pretty optimistic person but not really today. 
We went to an open house to celebrate our neighbour Wayne's 70th birthday.  I got almost claustrophobic with the crowds.  I chatted with some of our friends and Adri and Wayne's daughters.  Susanne and Deanna are lovely young women and I really like them; but when I got home, I started to think about the fact that Lisa will never be able to celebrate with us again.  And she won't be there to celebrate Cevyn's graduation.  It just sucks.
I know I am not alone - I guess that is why I come here when I am in a funk.  I know if I talk to Joe, it will just bring him down and he is struggling too. 
So my SOTH, thank you again for being there, for understanding and caring.
I feel better.
Lisa:  I miss you so much.  The hole in my heart will never heal. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy