Feeling down
I think I am in for another sleepless night. I tried to go to bed but just started thinking about Lisa - reliving her last days and thinking about what I should have done differently. I know there is not much I could have done but I could have at least been with her.
So it is the pity party for me tonight as I sit here and cry - I miss her so much.
I know this will pass - generally I am a pretty optimistic person but not really today.
We went to an open house to celebrate our neighbour Wayne's 70th birthday. I got almost claustrophobic with the crowds. I chatted with some of our friends and Adri and Wayne's daughters. Susanne and Deanna are lovely young women and I really like them; but when I got home, I started to think about the fact that Lisa will never be able to celebrate with us again. And she won't be there to celebrate Cevyn's graduation. It just sucks.
I know I am not alone - I guess that is why I come here when I am in a funk. I know if I talk to Joe, it will just bring him down and he is struggling too.
So my SOTH, thank you again for being there, for understanding and caring.
I feel better.
Lisa: I miss you so much. The hole in my heart will never heal. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
So it is the pity party for me tonight as I sit here and cry - I miss her so much.
I know this will pass - generally I am a pretty optimistic person but not really today.
We went to an open house to celebrate our neighbour Wayne's 70th birthday. I got almost claustrophobic with the crowds. I chatted with some of our friends and Adri and Wayne's daughters. Susanne and Deanna are lovely young women and I really like them; but when I got home, I started to think about the fact that Lisa will never be able to celebrate with us again. And she won't be there to celebrate Cevyn's graduation. It just sucks.
I know I am not alone - I guess that is why I come here when I am in a funk. I know if I talk to Joe, it will just bring him down and he is struggling too.
So my SOTH, thank you again for being there, for understanding and caring.
I feel better.
Lisa: I miss you so much. The hole in my heart will never heal. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Replies
I am awake also. I had a great day today too. Then I was preparing teriyaki chicken and I fell apart. Sobbing uncontrollable. Yelling Michael Michael!! It came on so suddenly. I was saying oh my God my son is dead! Over and over again I said this. Tears flowing down my face. I was losing it.
Love to you and know how you feel.
Love
Laura
Gentle ((hugs)) shared. It does help to share and it keeps us hanging on and working it out. I hope you soon feel comforted and able to fall off to sleep.
That is just the worst, thinking on the what if\'s. I always tell myself that it is pointless, yet I always fall back on it as if it will change time and he will walk in the door.
No one understands like SOTH, nothing is not understood in this walk we all share. When there has been no one to talk to, this site has been my go to. I really do love you all.
Yep, it sucks!
(((hugs)))
maybe the time of year,, but eyes were doing a lot of leaking last night... love ya!
Yes it does suck! Almost 8 years I still have times like that, I instantly chase it out of my head, it kicks us in the ass out of no where, Ryan\'s angle date is coming around the corner April 15th, and the weather isn\'t doing us any good..I must say when the trees get leaves and flowers start to bloom the sun is warmer we start like life is coming back into us. Hugs my friend!! Love you, Kelly
Marlene,
Sigh. I hear you loud and clear. There are just times for us when the missing is so pungent, overwhelming, and there are no other words for it but \"sucks!\" I understand the \"crowd\" thing so well.
There used to be an commercial here that if my memory serves me well was for feminine cigarettes, the the theme is \"We\'ve come a long way, baby.\" Thusly, we have - but it still seems we have a long way to go... Sigh.
Love you, gal,
Leda
Yes it sucks -- big time!
You know we all have those nights.
Big Hugs,
Terry
It is a rough journey. It was like having to \"gear up\" and inflate in strength...just to accept/face \"reality\" of the transitioning--and then the deflated feeling kicked in...ala \"What now?\"...
I believe that IN SPIRIT, Lisa IS celebrating right along with you during the special occasions...She\'s with God-Who knows and cares so very much about us all--so why wouldn\'t our beloveds care and be there right along WITH Him, is what I feel, Marlene!
Yes, to feel Lisa --physically--would be wonderful, but we don\'t even get to do that with Jesus, in this life...That is only normal-for us to crave that physical comfort with our \"babies\"...but we do have SO MUCH to look forward to!
When feeling depressed, I try to re-focus -only- on Michael and Lisa being in Paradise while away from me-SAFE from all this world\'s peril--and I will see them when it\'s my time to transition (we don\'t cease existing --or truly \"die\"--we just get promoted!)
Very VALID feelings of course-but in order to \"survive\" this-I found I had to change my \"go-to\" /knee-jerk kind of thinking --and look to the blessed (and assured) future!
Love to you and Lisa,
Donna
Sorry, I wasn\'t online, last night, but hope you managed to sleep. Usually, I am so exhausted, that after a night like that, I just crash and sleep for many hours.
I am trying to get ready to leave on my trip Wednesday. Hopefully, seeing my daughter and my stepdaughter will lighten my mood. Seems I am mad at the world and overwhealmed with my situation.
Hopefully, you can get out today and only have sweet memories.
((((HUGS))))....Julia
I\'m wrapping my arms around you Marlene & holding you tight. I understand.....I care......and I so wish none of us had to walk this difficult journey. Loving hugs my friend.....Vicki
Hi, hope you had a good sleep! My sinus cold made my tinnitus really BAD.
I hope to get going tomorrow. Take it one day at a time. Facing 24 hours is all i can suggest plus prayer. Rose
You are in my thoughts tonight, dear Marlene, my friend. I hope sleep does not elude you after all and that you have sweet dreams!
Hugs
Peace.
Big hugs my friend. You are allowed to have pity parties just don\'t forget to remember the good times and let them fill your heart with joy. Love you, Angela
I understand and have plenty of those sleepless moments myself. They are very draining and painful to navigate so I\'m grateful you could come here and openly share.
Loving care dearest Marlene and may today be a gentler one filled with Lisa memories that are healing.
XO Joanie