Baby steps...

Monday morning, as promised, I began to make calls that the hotline gave me. The first two places didn't take my insurance, and the third's intake person wasn't in. I left a message then stopped calling. I was emotionally exhusted and embarresed. I left it to her to call back and tried to make monday as easy as possible and do nice things for myself. I went kayaking with my dog Kirby and a friend. It was wonderful. Monday night my boyfriend, Jimmy, had me over so we could talk about why I called. It was nerve racking for me...but it went okay. He was very sorry he misunderstood why I called, and assured me he wasn't mad at me. He impressed that he was just happy I didn't do worse. I felt okay.
Tuesday I recieved a call back from one of the orginazations. She talked to me on the phone and set up an appointment for the next day, but mentioned she may refer me to elsewhere if she felt she could find me a better fit.
 
Wednesday (today!) I went to my appointment. Jimmy drove me. My parents don't know about it. It went okay but it was very hard to talk about some events in my past that most likely contribute to the way I feel. She thinks she can find me a place that is better fit than that organization though (being that I'm a fairly young person, sucidal tendencies, possible PTSD, ect) that can be a better fit, but she will do the calling around for me so I don't have to....that makes me feel relieved. She said she will get back to me by next week.
 
For the rest of the day so far though, I've felt like shit. Its so hard to talk about all those things, then just go home and pretend like nothing happened.