Numb

We had a talk yesterday about me leaving, of course i show up to the apartment drunk and thinking i have some big balls and things that need to be said.  Not a good idea to do anything intoxicated. it wasnt bad but i guess what i feel i should do i am not physically ready to do which is leave.  instead the idea of wasting more time and hanging around someone who doesnt want to be with me seems much more safer. Not having a safety net is scarry.  I am beside my self because i claim to have faith in God and yet not really allowing for this faith to show.  instead i settle, settle for putting up with this sillyness.