Today

 So the majority of childhood, my biological father was not a part of my life, and my mother tried to convince me he was this piece of crap loser who did not want or love me, and who had abandoned us. Then when I was going through testifying against my mom's ex, I wrote him a letter. I got a response telling me to wait til I was 18 and then I heard nothing else. Over the summer, my stepmom emailed me and said my biological father (her husband) wanted to contact me. So over the summer my father and I emailed, and wrote each other much to my mother's discontent. As it turns out, my father was not the demonic bastard scum who she put him out to be, though I by no means approve his absence, that he was trying to form a connection I am able to be openminded and try to have relationship. So after my mom figured out we were communicating, she basically told me SHE was done being the doormat, and wiped her hands clean of me and that she'd answer if I called, but wouldn't do anything beyond that. When I started college I called her every other night, and sent emails, and got no responses. I finally got to meet my dad over the weekend, and about 3wks ago I moved in and decided to transfer from the college I was attending to one he worked at, so I could build a better relationship with my father. He's a nice guy, with a beautiful wife, and two cool little kids that they support 100%, greeting them each morning with a hug and kiss, and asking them about their day at dinner. I get a little... overwhelmed at times because I wondered about him a lot after I found out about him and now I get to know him. I'm building up to telling my mom about transferring, although I realize I'm 18, going on 19 in four months. I love my younger siblings, and I hate that my mom and I are arguing and fighting about this. I don't believe people should be judged on the stupid actions of their youth. What you did 10 years ago does not define who you are right now. But my mom doesn't understand that... or that some people actually learn from their mistakes and become better people for it. I hate that my mom belittles me because I want to know my dad. I am going to tell her... I just need time. I just want to work on developing myself, instead of trying to please everyone all the time. I spent my childhood with abuse, neglect, and watching 4 children on my own. I want to do something for myself right now for a change... I desperately want to like, and even love myself, and appreciate the gifts i have. I want to be able to be assertive, and confident, and move on with my life, and just get over the past. And I want to do it with both parents support. I can't have both my parents at my wedding if they both hate each other... :(