11/26/2012
Anxiety level is running a bit on the high side ,,,out of 100 it is around 40% +/-
The reasons have to do with a certain amount and degree of changes that are happening and the unresponsive nature of some people locally ,,,,which is a shame really,,all things considered ,,,,I have been doing a swan dive into my own crap and that is never a good thing ,,,,I need to move in a more positive and orderly direction and in the past few weeks I have done very little of that ,,,I am sure there are those out there that would be thrilled to be in my situation,,,and this is a condition of understanding the nature of gratitude ,,,that there are things out there that are not available and may never be ,,,,I think that it has more to do with coming to terms with things that are just not available ,,,viable human contact, a working and loving relationship are areas that seem to be the most problematic for me ,,they always have been,,,Maybe it is possible that I really do not want this and I unconciously self destruct in some way whenever I get close to someone or even the possibility of something developing.
I don't know ??????????????..with the holidays upon us ,,all I know for a change it would be a nice thing to have someone here locally to relate to,,(for a change !!)
The reasons have to do with a certain amount and degree of changes that are happening and the unresponsive nature of some people locally ,,,,which is a shame really,,all things considered ,,,,I have been doing a swan dive into my own crap and that is never a good thing ,,,,I need to move in a more positive and orderly direction and in the past few weeks I have done very little of that ,,,I am sure there are those out there that would be thrilled to be in my situation,,,and this is a condition of understanding the nature of gratitude ,,,that there are things out there that are not available and may never be ,,,,I think that it has more to do with coming to terms with things that are just not available ,,,viable human contact, a working and loving relationship are areas that seem to be the most problematic for me ,,they always have been,,,Maybe it is possible that I really do not want this and I unconciously self destruct in some way whenever I get close to someone or even the possibility of something developing.
I don't know ??????????????..with the holidays upon us ,,all I know for a change it would be a nice thing to have someone here locally to relate to,,(for a change !!)
Replies
I respect that u r selective in what u watch. There\'s so much trash tv, and duplicates of the same types of shows, nj housewives, NYC housewives, etc and so forth. I like the smithsonian channel and saw a documentary on the Ming dynasty that was interesting recently. Have you seen the new movie Lincoln? I did, been to colonial williamsburg 3x so like info about that time, as horrifying as it is. Going to go. Pleasure reading ur journal entries.
That response was for previous entry.