11/17/2014
Job is going well, I think. Everything else... not so much. Finally got an apt. It's horrid and I hate it but best I can do with the bankruptcy on my record right now. Speaking of which I am getting the paperwork together to send to the lawyer. Because the stupid add rat bastard broke his promise to keep up the payments on the chapter 13, we now EACH have to file chapter 7. I just know this is gonna bite me on the butt.. sigh....
Going back and forth to Natchitoches is running me in to the ground. Hopefully not too much longer. Went to the new apt after work today to move some of my clothes etc that I brought back with me this time. I paid the guy the money and got my keys....God, it's so horrid. It's filthy, stinky, and buggy.
Granted I was tired, hungry and not feeling well...but.... I put some of my clothes up. locked the apt got in to my car and had a total meltdown. Screaming in hysterics. just just...I couldnt help it. Yes, I have to stay there for a year and I can. But tonight? No, I couldnt. I drove to a Holiday Inn close to the office and checked in. Went to an Applebees for a wonderful meal and now I feel so much better.
I was never so angry with him in my life. Here I am struggling to get approved for a disgusting apt. Leaving my friends and the life I'd built while he just goes merrily on his way. Getting everything the way he wants it. And it's always been that way. I realize that doesnt even really matter. It has nothing to do with me and my future...but tonight it damn well did. I felt like I'd lost everything that was important for me when I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG! The liar/cheater POS? Pfff.. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens for him... and it's ALWAYS been that way.
BUT___I am feeling better. Had a good meal, a great bath, I'm comfortable and feeling much more relaxed, etc--so time to let go of that garbage I dont usually get like that it just piled on tonight I guess.
Anyway tomorrow is another day.
Going back and forth to Natchitoches is running me in to the ground. Hopefully not too much longer. Went to the new apt after work today to move some of my clothes etc that I brought back with me this time. I paid the guy the money and got my keys....God, it's so horrid. It's filthy, stinky, and buggy.
Granted I was tired, hungry and not feeling well...but.... I put some of my clothes up. locked the apt got in to my car and had a total meltdown. Screaming in hysterics. just just...I couldnt help it. Yes, I have to stay there for a year and I can. But tonight? No, I couldnt. I drove to a Holiday Inn close to the office and checked in. Went to an Applebees for a wonderful meal and now I feel so much better.
I was never so angry with him in my life. Here I am struggling to get approved for a disgusting apt. Leaving my friends and the life I'd built while he just goes merrily on his way. Getting everything the way he wants it. And it's always been that way. I realize that doesnt even really matter. It has nothing to do with me and my future...but tonight it damn well did. I felt like I'd lost everything that was important for me when I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG! The liar/cheater POS? Pfff.. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens for him... and it's ALWAYS been that way.
BUT___I am feeling better. Had a good meal, a great bath, I'm comfortable and feeling much more relaxed, etc--so time to let go of that garbage I dont usually get like that it just piled on tonight I guess.
Anyway tomorrow is another day.
Replies
Good for you for getting angry at him. I would think this is a step forward in your healing. Maybe now you won\'t miss him so much. As much as you hate where you live this move will be good for you. In a year you can find a nicer apartment. Start now making a plan for Thanksgiving day.
I so agree with Trish, as horrible as it is to be angry, I am actually please to see you so angry at your ex....I too think it is a great step forward to the healing you so deserve.
Jackie as horrible and tough as things seem right now, I am convinced this move is going to be such a positive one for you and there is going to be a real opportunity for happiness for you because of it. (((hugs))) and all the very best!!