I'm a little nervous about going to my doctor today. I feel like it's a report card and I don't know how I'm doing. I went through the DSM-IV symptoms of depression with my therapist yesterday and figured out that I still have 8 out of 9 symptoms of depression. But they don't feel as bad as they did. So that's something. I guess I didn't realize I'm still exhibiting most of the symptoms because I do feel different. Anyway, all I can do is be honest with the doctor and see what he says. I guess after the last bout of getting on to Cymbalta and the horrible side effects, I don't want to have to switch meds again... but if the Cymbalta isn't working to its full capacity, I'm not sure what he'll do. I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.
My therapist did say she saw that I had more energy this week than last and last week had more than the week before that. So she sees improvement despite the fact that she also sees I'm still struggling with the symptoms of major depression.
I feel like I'm in an invisible holding cell. I can see what is happening around me, but can't always interact and most often don't even want to. When this happens, I start to feel badly / guilty about just watching my life go by. Shouldn't I be doing something/fighting harder? I just don't know what to do or how to fight harder. There are things I know I need to do, but I can barely do the things I used to like to do...so I feel like I'm just waiting and hoping.