another day
It's another rainy and grey day around here. I woke up from some strange dreams about putting up Christmas lights, turning them on in stealth and getting shot at for some reason. I've read that Cymbalta can give you vivid nightmares. Maybe it's the Cymbalta. I hope between the side effects earlier on and this new effect, it means the drug is doing something for me.
I had a really hard time getting to bed last night even though I took an Ambien. I think it's because I took a Nuvigil and had caffeine later in the day yesterday. On top of which, I took the Ambien and didn't go in to bed right away. I watched a movie until almost 2:30 trying to see if that would put me to sleep. I put on another one in the background so I would have some white noise but still had trouble. I didn't sleep deeply. So when morning came, I didn't want to get up. I stayed in bed until about an hour ago.
I feel roughly ok. So far I don't feel too anxious or down today. Just somewhere in a holding pattern. That's better than actually feeling bad or anxious, so I'll take it.
We have a friend in town so I don't feel like I can be quite myself in the apartment, but he's pretty quiet and unobtrusive. And I like that my fiance gets to spend time with his friend instead of just me.
Somehow, writing this entry is starting to make me feel a bit anxious. I guess it's when I start to think about things. Sigh.
I'm going to try and schedule some work this week while my fiance is home so he can help me. I am lucky he can be here to support me and I know I should take advantage of it. Knowing I "should" is making me feel a little bit of anxiety/pressure, but I'm trying not to think of it that way. I'm trying to think of how there are times at night when I've taken my Ambien, when I'm really relaxed and can almost feel normal and like myself again. I try to remember that feeling and take it into my awake hours. Why can't I feel like that naturally? I just want to be able to wake up and do the things I need to or want to do things without getting anxious.
Sigh.
Today is another day. I will try. I will keep trying.
I had a really hard time getting to bed last night even though I took an Ambien. I think it's because I took a Nuvigil and had caffeine later in the day yesterday. On top of which, I took the Ambien and didn't go in to bed right away. I watched a movie until almost 2:30 trying to see if that would put me to sleep. I put on another one in the background so I would have some white noise but still had trouble. I didn't sleep deeply. So when morning came, I didn't want to get up. I stayed in bed until about an hour ago.
I feel roughly ok. So far I don't feel too anxious or down today. Just somewhere in a holding pattern. That's better than actually feeling bad or anxious, so I'll take it.
We have a friend in town so I don't feel like I can be quite myself in the apartment, but he's pretty quiet and unobtrusive. And I like that my fiance gets to spend time with his friend instead of just me.
Somehow, writing this entry is starting to make me feel a bit anxious. I guess it's when I start to think about things. Sigh.
I'm going to try and schedule some work this week while my fiance is home so he can help me. I am lucky he can be here to support me and I know I should take advantage of it. Knowing I "should" is making me feel a little bit of anxiety/pressure, but I'm trying not to think of it that way. I'm trying to think of how there are times at night when I've taken my Ambien, when I'm really relaxed and can almost feel normal and like myself again. I try to remember that feeling and take it into my awake hours. Why can't I feel like that naturally? I just want to be able to wake up and do the things I need to or want to do things without getting anxious.
Sigh.
Today is another day. I will try. I will keep trying.
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