another day
I fought the alarm for a little while today before heading off to therapy. I managed to go to the post office and the bank afterward! Huge accomplishment considering I've been trying to get myself out to the post office all week now. And it's Thursday.
I didn't take a Nuvigil before leaving the house today. I have been feeling a bit of anxiety and wasn't sure if the Nuvigil was contributing to the anxiety. Even without it I have been feeling a bit anxious all day. It makes me wonder if it's the Cymbalta. I hope not. After all of the side effects from the first few weeks on the Cymbalta, I really don't want to have to switch medications again.
My therapist seems to think I seem better this week than I did last. Of course, last week, I hadn't been out of bed at all and was crying a lot. I have managed to stay out of bed every day since Sunday and have only cried a little bit. That's something. It's been hard. To be honest, I wouldn't mind going back to bed right now. Of course, I feel a bit tired. I had trouble falling asleep last night even though I'd taken an Ambien. I had to get up and take another half at one point before I could fall asleep. I'm not sure what time I finally fell asleep - maybe 3?
I am really sick of being stuck in my own head all of the time. I think things would be better if I had tasks I needed to accomplish. Then again, when I had tasks like the post office and bank, it just made me feel bad when I couldn't get them done. I guess I just want to feel normal again. Don't we all...
It's been hard to remember what normal me was like before this past year. I'm so unsure of myself these days. And down on myself. I know these are negative thoughts I need to combat, but of course, due to the nature of the depression, it's hard.
I feel like I'm constantly battling time. I feel like I'm just watching people and time move around me but that I'm not part of it. And because I feel down, I don't necessarily want to be a part of it or don't feel like I can be a part of it.
I get anxious when I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing with myself. It's all I can do to keep going and make sure I don't crawl right back into bed. I am trying to choose not to be in bed today. I will not go back to bed. I will not go back to bed.
I didn't take a Nuvigil before leaving the house today. I have been feeling a bit of anxiety and wasn't sure if the Nuvigil was contributing to the anxiety. Even without it I have been feeling a bit anxious all day. It makes me wonder if it's the Cymbalta. I hope not. After all of the side effects from the first few weeks on the Cymbalta, I really don't want to have to switch medications again.
My therapist seems to think I seem better this week than I did last. Of course, last week, I hadn't been out of bed at all and was crying a lot. I have managed to stay out of bed every day since Sunday and have only cried a little bit. That's something. It's been hard. To be honest, I wouldn't mind going back to bed right now. Of course, I feel a bit tired. I had trouble falling asleep last night even though I'd taken an Ambien. I had to get up and take another half at one point before I could fall asleep. I'm not sure what time I finally fell asleep - maybe 3?
I am really sick of being stuck in my own head all of the time. I think things would be better if I had tasks I needed to accomplish. Then again, when I had tasks like the post office and bank, it just made me feel bad when I couldn't get them done. I guess I just want to feel normal again. Don't we all...
It's been hard to remember what normal me was like before this past year. I'm so unsure of myself these days. And down on myself. I know these are negative thoughts I need to combat, but of course, due to the nature of the depression, it's hard.
I feel like I'm constantly battling time. I feel like I'm just watching people and time move around me but that I'm not part of it. And because I feel down, I don't necessarily want to be a part of it or don't feel like I can be a part of it.
I get anxious when I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing with myself. It's all I can do to keep going and make sure I don't crawl right back into bed. I am trying to choose not to be in bed today. I will not go back to bed. I will not go back to bed.
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