Green Smiley Monday
Grateful for a peaceful weekend. A bit weepy but overall a good weekend. Grateful for my friends here who always understand. Out "there" they think I should be over "it". But here people understand that while there is healing there is always longing.
Miss you, Ed. In March it will be 2 and a half years. Still cannot believe a seemingly healthy person just dies in their sleep. But it is real - too real. I love you and although I am feeling more peaceful more often my heart is broken. I have faith that you are well and with God. But I still wish you were here with me. Love you, Mom xoxo
Dear Heavenly Father, please tell Eddie I love him and I am doing the best I can. Give me the strength to get through each day one day at a time. Please comfort my friends here as they long for their child or Mom or Dad, brother or sister. So much loss and pain. We need your grace..in Jesus Name. Amen
I wish all of you a gentle and peaceful week.
Miss you, Ed. In March it will be 2 and a half years. Still cannot believe a seemingly healthy person just dies in their sleep. But it is real - too real. I love you and although I am feeling more peaceful more often my heart is broken. I have faith that you are well and with God. But I still wish you were here with me. Love you, Mom xoxo
Dear Heavenly Father, please tell Eddie I love him and I am doing the best I can. Give me the strength to get through each day one day at a time. Please comfort my friends here as they long for their child or Mom or Dad, brother or sister. So much loss and pain. We need your grace..in Jesus Name. Amen
I wish all of you a gentle and peaceful week.
Replies
Two and 1/2 years is prime-time \"is this what I\'m left with?\" and for \"how long?\" in my humble opinion, Linda...Those people that wish us well but say hurtful things are never going to \"get it\" or understand no matter how long they live. Unless, horrifically, their child precedes them in death. Our children preceded us...to LIFE...It IS hard to wait for our reunion when missing them in the flesh..
.Since they cannot be both here ... and there in Paradise, I now (it took awhile!) rejoice in that they are free, even if I\'m \"bound\" more now in my life ... such is our mother\'s \"self\" sacrificing love--during their life and \"en-during\" , their death--Peace will come and moving forward, as you know never means leaving our loved ones behind. They are always walking alongside us Spiritually and are as close as a heartbeat. Even though it\'s so hard now, you will one day never be separated from Eddie ever again and each day you are closer to that reality! We build up our anticipation now...I am so excited...Love+Big Hugs, Donna p.s. Even an old high school friend not that long ago told me \"Shouldn\'t you be over \"it\" by now? She has 4 very healthy children and a sweet grandchild...
March 2nd.....will be Morgan\'s 22nd birthday,,we will both have quite a day...
I know all too well the pain that March brings...I have been very down today and cried all the way home from town...about 28 miles....only to find when I got home that Mike had built a shelf in the den with Brandon\'s football helmet, shoulder pads...trophies and photos....and put his letter jacket from high school in a display case on the wall....needless to say the tears just keep coming and will for all my life....and it will be that way for you, too. We ARE mothers forever...why don\'t people understand that???? It will not go away...we will have a connection to our children no matter how much time passes. I pray for peace for you dear friend....I hope your heart will feel lighter with the healing of our Lord....it can only happen through Him. Love and Brandon bear hugs....to you and for your precious Ed......dale, brandon\'s mom
We are forever changed...I believe that we will always miss and long for our children....sigh....
I\'m just past 2 1/2 years and I agree with Donna ~ this is a tough time. The reality of never, ever, ever hugging our precious Ed and Corrie again is almost too terrible to contemplate. Sometimes I just feel like \"ok ~ this is stale ~ I\'m over it already ~ come on out, Corrie!\"
And the missing and the longing ~ well ~ I\'m pretty sure they will be ever with us ~ less intense and lots more moments of genuine joy and peace ~ but always there. Just the other day a friend on FB who lost her sister 11 years ago posted that she was missing her sister a lot that day. She came to Corrie\'s celebration in Seattle, specifically to be there for Allie and Hillary. I hadn\'t even known that she lost a sister ~ it was 8 years at that time and I was thinking ~ \"oh no! Will I still be so sad and emotional in 8 years???\" Anyway ~ I responded to her post with \"I guess the missing never goes away\" and she sent me a private message that said very simply ~ \"no, the missing never goes away. Sending love.\"
So ~ we smile for our moments of joy and peace and rejoice for great progress and yet ...
Sending lots of love and big Monday hugs for always reaching out with your Green Smiley ~ squeezes for you and Ed ~ Debbie
In gratitude to you, Linda, \"here\" and out \"there\" ... as you vibed in and held my heart from afar so i did not weep alone over the weekend. You are my green smiley \"wrinkile\". Be gentle with yourself and careful with any \"tear tycoon\" ventures that may leave you dehydrated! My heart is swirling thoughts of Ed and his humor you so beautifully shared with me ... am thinking he would say something like, \"Mom, straw in the Atlantic if need be!\" for adequate compensation to the leaker sensation. Hugging you, long and strong. XOXO
Every word spoken by every mother here is absolutely true. There is an empty space where there once was a beloved child, no matter the age of the child. No matter. On March 2nd, it will be ONE YEAR since April went Home. The grief changes, with God\'s mercy and help, and I know she\'s safe and Home since I actually saw her, but how I wish she were in the world. I think to myself, she would be at Wolf Park in Idaho doing post-doctoral work or preparing her doctoral thesis. The illness took it all away, and moved in fast, so fast it was frightening. But she\'s not ill now, she joyfully gloriously and beatifically happy. It\'s true that, even on stupid television, the death of a child after \"six weeks\" is somehow magically \"better\". Ya gotta laugh or you\'d scream. What a world we live in where people fear death so terribly much that they can\'t allow grief. But we, here, understand one another. No matter how many years, the empty space will be there. There will be tears - not every day, but always under the surface. And certain dates will scar further that place on our souls. God bless you.
jill
A mother\'s heart is forever in tune with her child - near or far - young or old - here or there. There is no time/distance/space barrier to LOVE! With you on this one sweet Linda...Love, Suzzanne
Yes, Linda, the longing is always there... sending my love to you this day always and to your precious Ed. I would have liked to have known him yet feel that I do because of his beloved mom.
Much love and tight hugs,
Joanie
Linda, we will never get over this loss and no one can ever understand what we are going through. God Bless our family and friends who dont , we would never want that for them. God Bless this site without who I wouldnt have such love and support. Through all of you, I have hope that I will heal. But I will never get over it. I pray our pain will lessen in time. Sending you hugs and kisses. Gail
Your prayer is lovely and warms my heart. I too know our children are well, even more than well but our hearts continue to long. That is a mothers love, a longing in their heart for their child. Sending you love for a gentle week. Robin
Life sends us roadblocks some days.. My friends on the outside dont understand some are sympathectic Only us who have lost a child understands the hurt that never goes away it dulls at times but it is always there. I wish a peacefull March and send you strength that you may need to get through to the next day.
Big hugs Penny
I have ended my 3rd year and going into the 4th. I found that I came to peace during the 3rd year, but longing to see my son will persist for the rest of my life. This, I accept. It is the acceptance that brings me peace. I have a safe child, and he awaits me. It gets me through my days of going on without him. Hugs, Belinda
Our missing, our boys, so quickly taken from us, stolen right from under our eyes, it seems. I love my Jacob so deeply, so intensely, it confounds me! His absence is so much bigger than his presence was for me. Jake had lived so far from us for so long, but our hearts were totally in sync!
Dear Linda, bringing light to so many of us, I send you a tight hug, and tell you, you are doing just right, just fine, and Ed knows this, too. Love you, abby