Just need to get some of these thoughts out of my head before they build up too much. 
It had been 7 months since I last cut myself.  And then I ruined it again 2 weeks ago.  I don't want to give in and cut again, but the urge is just so strong.  Life's just so hard.  It's so hard to find the strength to stay alive.  I don't want to be alive, I just want to die.  That's why I ended up in the hospital again the weekend before last.  I just couldn't deal with everything anymore.  I just want to give up on everything.  I wish I could just go to sleep tonight and never wake up.  But even falling asleep for  a short while would be a miracle.  I just don't have the energy or the strength to continue with life anymore.