Another rough day.  Will there ever be any good?  It's just getting more and more hopeless.  Had an appointment with my counselor today.  That was difficult.  Why does getting help have to hurt so much?  My counselor even started crying, there's a first for me.  I usually see her every week, but now I won't see her for 3 weeks because of Christmas.  I don't know how this is going to work.  It's so hard just to make it one week, but that I can manage, most of the time.  3 weeks seems impossible.  Maybe I'll find the courage to call Tammy (a special constable from school that I've become friends with) this weekend and talk to her for awhile.  I know I won't make it if I don't talk to someone.  Expecially with the thought of having to spend almost a week at my parents for Christmas.  That and Luke wanting to see me (since he's coming down for a few days for Christmas), which I really don't think I can handle.  My counselor helped me to realize today what a horrible relationship that was, but I'm scared I'm going to get sucked right back into it.  Everything's seeming so hpeless right now, and I don't know why I'm even bothering to continue.  Don't know how I'm going to make it through work tomorrow the way I'm feeling.  It's only a 4 hour shift, but I can't be "happy" for that long . . . I just can't do it.  I don't think I can do any of this anymore.  I just want to qive up and quit.  Who cares, it's just my pathetic life, not like it's really all that important.  Please, I just want to get out of this.  I need an escape, some sort of release.  I can't handle it anymore . . .