My life

Hm, my wedding coming up.  I don't know how we're going to be able to afford it, or even afford to live for that matter.  Not that money matters to me at all.  My wedding will be wonderful solely because I'm getting married to the one I love.  School's another problem completely.  I can hardly even focus on a two minute conversation (btw, writing this coherently is very difficult for me).  How am I supposed to be able to concentrate in class, and pass the courses?  Yes, I have help from the school.  I don't have to write notes and I have help with my tests.  But I don't know if that is helping me or making things worse.  Those things make me feel stupid and incompetent, like I can't even manage to do the simplest things in life.  I know DS won't cure anything, I'm not expecting it to.  I have to do that myself (as my counselor has reminded me MANY times).  But it's just so hard, and I don't know if I'm capable of getting myself out of this.  I don't feel like I have the strength, the power, the ability.  I feel completely worthless and useless.  I don't see that my life is worth anything, so why bother even trying at all?  I just don't know anymore.  I feel like I'm living in a fog that I can't seem to find my way out of.  I'm so alone in here.  I feel so confused all the time.  I have so many thoughts running through my mind, yet I can't seem to figure out what even one of them is.  I don't even understand my own mind anymore.  I'm lost.  I'm constantly going into panic attacks over the smallest things.  My counselor's trying to help me through this, but I just don't know.  Yes, I want to get better.  Yes, I want to live a "normal" life.  But I just don't know if I even believe that's possible anymore.