Day 86 of 365 - Man Break
How can you have a family and so-called friends and still feel all alone in the world.
If I could go to an island sans any technology or any way for people to find me (except my kids) I would.  I am so sick of everyone.  I don't know what is wrong with me.  Everyone just irritates the hell out of me and they all want something from me.  No one seems to care if I'm okay.
I just want someone to talk to.  Someone I can call and say I'm having a bad day can you come over. 
I'm losing friends because I'm standing up for myself.  Everything just seems so out of control and chaotic right now.  It's hard to know if I'm even moving in the right direction.  If I am shouldn't I feel happier?
I just don't even know what's wrong sometimes I just feel sad and frazzled and guilty and angry and lost. 
I can't even articulate it in words.  I just want to feel better. 
 
 
 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, sounds like you are going thru a really hard time. If I was there, I would give you a big hug!
pageo
pageo

\"How can you have a family and so-called friends and still feel all alone in the world.\"

Loneliness is not about being around people or having family. It really isn\'t about other people.

I am lonely when I am separated from myself. If I used to cover that separation by distracting myself by being around people then when I stop the distraction I have to deal with self separation. This is where it is all going. Cultivating and developing a healthy self connection. Self has likely been ignored and distraction has been occupying the mind instead of the feelings underneath.


\"It\'s hard to know if I\'m even moving in the right direction. If I am shouldn\'t I feel happier?\"

Not necessarily. Changing any habit... emotional /mental is never going to feel good when the change is happening.

I feel lonely lots of times and then I do not. It changes regardless of if people are around. I stop fighting the sensation and look deeper into myself instead of out ward or being intolerant of extreme discomfort.

But, at the same time I know how you feel just wanting another ear to hear my story and my feelings.

I have learned to do this for myself which is to say I have learned to self parent. I am there fore me. This is a huge development. Something I worked steadily with in therapy and still work with today with out therapy. I got through the harder points with my therapist who served as a healthy surrogate parent .

He taught me what my parents could not teach. Now if I am lonely I know for sure it isn\'t about other people. It is about me and I have to sit down and consider what it is that I need. If I need some one to hear my story then I write it out. I do something and offer nurturance to myself. I hole the little girl with in. i give to her what a primary care taker would.

Although prior to therapy I was not exactly capable of doing this.. so I would just be stuck in the pain of isolation and need.

Good for you on the man break.

I took a man break because I needed to know me and establish that relationship . It was long over due and it got to a point where no one was able to give me what I needed. That was pointing at being able ot give my self what I needed.
riseabove
riseabove

i could have written this several times in the last few years! i am going through something also with friends (and of course with family), but i am realizing that although it hurts to \"take a break\" and see if the friends come back to me, and i don\'t think most of them will..i think it\'s a good thing because i am wasting a lot of negative energy on them with being upset and my feelings hurt. i know what you mean about just wanting one friend to say you are having a bad day to. at age 36, i finally found \"that\" friend and i hope it lasts..i think it will. it\'s so hard to have certain people in your life, but things will get better..just keep working through it! hugs! :)
Faithfully77
Faithfully77

Riseabove in the midst of absolute estrangement from my mother or not really reconnecting in partial estrangement, I would always look to others and test to see if I was \"good\" enough. It was such a focus of mine that looking back now - I see why I did it, but know that I was only acting out my hurt. I quit looking outward and began looking inward to treating myself well and how I wanted to be treated. Now I still have good friends, but my expectations of them are not so focused. I know they would be there, but I also know that depending on their lives - they may also not be there for me. I cannot even begin to tell you the peace that I have found. Although reconciling with Mom is not what I anticipated, I most certainly am okay with it because for the first time in my life I am able to see her narcissism for what it truly is. The detachment helped that soooooooooooooooooooo much in the reconciliation. I\'m saying all this because in the reconciliation I am still not close to Mom and I am A okay with that, but I also finally after much time quit trying to measure up with my friends or hold my preoccupation on them. It all changed. I hope it gets better, but I can tell there is something in you that is missing and causing that loneliness - I do believe once you find that you will your inner peace. It will come. You\'re such a great person. Have a good day friend.
arat38
arat38

Thank you all for your great comments. I think the theme I see is I need to focus more inside than outside. I guess I just discouraged sometimes and don\'t know where to start really to find that place. Feeling better today:)
Faithfully77
Faithfully77

Arat38, I apologize - that I directed this towards Riseabove instead of you. It was my misunderstanding. I still really hoped it helped you. Sometimes - knowing where others have been and where they are now in the process helps. I\'m very glad you are feeling better. Take care.