Day 46 of 365 - Man Break
I went to counseling today and told my counselor that I had been feeling depressed and anxious lately.  Seems to be a stress reaction since it is the end of the year crunch with the kids and soccer season is overlapping with dance season so I seem to be in the car most of the time.
I wake up feeling blah and not quite centered and I can't seem to put my finger on it. 
One thing that has really been bothering me is this "friend" I have.  I've mentioned in other journals how she is super competitive and she's turning out to be nothing like I thought.  She quite her job a month ago and still doesn't have a new one but someone she has money to buy new clothes, etc. and so on.  I guess I'm just a little resentful because that could NEVER be an option for me, otherwise who would pay the bills?  Just the other night we went out with some girls from dance to a bar and she said she wouldn't be drinking which surprised me, so I asked her why not and she said she was going in a fitness contest.  (Please note she is already skinny as a rail and her bones poke out) and I said "what kind of fitness contest...like aerobics or something?" and she said "you know you go on this no sugar/no fat thing and then show your body" and I'm like "oh like in a bikini on stage?" and she's like "yeah", she also said I should do it too but I said no thanks I really like food. 
It just seems we have absolutely nothing in common.  I want to keep fit but in a healthy way.  She doesn't eat and works out constantly and then she smokes which I find kinda weird.  She is so into how she looks its like almost an obsession. She's constantly asking me what I'm wearing before we go out almost so she can do better. I can't prove it but it always seems like she's competing with me and I find myself competing when I'm with her and I'm not like that.
We take a hip hop class together (that's how I met her) and I take a lyrical class without her and now she wants to join it to because I'm taking it but I don't want her to because she is driving me nuts!!!!!!!
I feel like such a bitch and I can't even figures out why she's bugging the crap out of me.  I don't know why she in particular is annoying me so much. I used to think it was because I was jealous of her but I don't think it's that anymore.  Her boyfriend talked to me the other day and told me she was crowding him but not to tell her.  And my creep vibe is up with him because I swear he's hitting on me. 
Am I being too picky?
 
 
 
 

Replies

arat38
arat38

P.S. Now when I am around her I find myself worrying about if I\'m fit enough and I think I\'m in good shape. I\'m starting to worry more about what I look like. And she is all into expensive brand name clothes which I cannot afford and I\'m starting to feel like I have to keep up. No way am I going there...heeeeelppp!
deleted_user
deleted_user

You are not being to picky. You are growing as a person, and as we grow we sometimes have to make different choices in the kind of people we are willing to have around us.

Also have you considered any supplements for your depression? I use SAM-e an amino acid.
AgentSmith
AgentSmith

No, you are not picky. I eliminate ppl like that from my life. Competing or arguing about EVERYTHING is a sign of control issues. I can not stand to be around ppl w/ control issues. It\'s hard while you\'re healing to be around people who aren\'t. I had to eliminate basically everyone from my life. I still hang out w/ one \'friend\' who has really too many issues and I am starting to regret every time i spend time w/ him. And there is only one friend I have who I would consider healthy, but we have opposite work schedules and live an hour apart. We talk online almost daily but I haven\'t seen him in months. I wish I could spend more time w/ him and people like him. But I feel the sooner we get the unhealthy ones out of our life, the more room we have to let the healthy ones in. And you\'ll find your tolerance for the unhealthy ones gets lower and lower. Just yesterday I called a girl who is in my jetski club and is friends w/ another jetski friend of mine. For an hour she went on and on about the craziest drama. And I was reminded why I don\'t socialize anymore. I don\'t need to hear ridiculous drama about stupid crap. I think after the stuff we\'ve been through, hearing about ppl\'s stupid petty problems (sorry but they are) seems so ridiculous.