PAIN

Why did I let my ex boyfriend back into my life. Now I am in more pain than ever, having experienced a brief moment of happiness and freedom. If I end it for good will I be happy again? He made it so difficult yesterday, so many promises to change. Yes, I want what he's talking about- that true love, a husband, family, living together, meeting the family, being made happy. but I feel like I am selling my soul for a lie. I can not in good conscience talk to my ex when I may have met my true match. I don't know. I need more time. why won't he give me more time. and in the mean time, I have made my own bed, now I have to lay in it. : I told him I needed a break, I started dating again only a week afterward. This is how I beat myself up. Plus it has been such a long two weeks with the others in my life. my depression has been creeping in and I've been fighting it only to be knocked so low today. and I admit, I do not have hope for tonight. I do not believe I will be happy if I call him to end it, I do not believe I will be happy if I don't call and continue to sit and put it off, I do not believe I will be happy if I see him...but I am not sure I have the strength to do what I need to do- either not call, not show up, call and say I'm not showing up, hang up, don't return calls. how can I do that after what he said? this is a nightmare.