ugh. i like to overeat. especially sweets. especially when i'm feeling down. sweets are so easy. sometimes i even force myself, even. when my mood is bad enough.
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i'm starting to see, and try to figure out, that i think my self-esteem is so low, i can't even go out for myself, and have fun. like, a movie just came out i wanna see, and i couldn't! i just couldn't! either low self-esteem, or agoraphobia, or something! and it's also difficult for me to get up and go to the grocery store WHEN I NEED GROCERIES!!! i am taking such poor care of myself, physically, it's just starting to affect me. i'm already a mess mentally and emotionally, now it's physically. i really need help. I WANT TO BE BETTER!!! thursday is my appt with a therapist.
on sort of a side note: i was able to go to my niece's bday party today! and in a timely manner! even when 2 of her cousins showed up whom i haven't seen in MANY years, they showed up, and i felt a bit of a panic build up inside, and i avoided the room they were in, for a bit, but once i noticed they weren't gonna bite *eye roll* i was able to join th conversation!
so, in summary, i guess? ... i went to her party, and was successful in not panicking. BUT i did not go to walmart like i wanted to, or even a grocery store like i need to! but i'm also not feeling bad about it or beating myself up, as usual.