Happy Father's Day to everyone... I'm sure I only have women readers but what the hey.. I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions today. Last night I could barely sleep. I'm starting to miss Michael and that's where everything gets really confusing for me. I used to work at a womens alcohol detox facility and one of my co-workers told me something after a fight between me and Michael that I can't stop thinking about. I didn't fall in love with a man that beat me. I fell in love with someone, and he eventually became my everything. And then he hit me, and my whole world fell apart. I don't like being alone. I don't like having to deal with life by myself. I think that's kinda normal though. Everyone craves and needs the love and affection of another person. I'm mad at myself for missing Michael after what he did to me, and then I get mad at myself for being mad because I miss him. I don't want to go and find someone else. I had someone who fit me perfectly, or so I thought. He knew how to hold me the way I like to be held.. he knew how to kiss me the way I like to be kissed. I know if I try and go out to seek that in someone else it's only going to make me miss him more because it won't be the same. I know everyone will probably say I just need to focus all my time and energy on my daughter, but I'm human. And I'm a woman. And I don't like the fact that I'm having to face everything by my god damn self.
Replies
Sweety,
I know you miss him. I know SOMEDAY there will be someone who can treat you the way you deserve, but darlin you need to heal first. Not all guys hit, it took me many years to believe that. Right now, you need to take care of you and Jaycie. It is okay to miss the man you love, it is also okay to be pissed at the man who beat you. I know it is confusing and I am really trying not to upset you. I am here for you HUGS!!!!
I think it\'s normal to miss him even after what he did to you. It\'s like you said, you didn\'t fall in love with the man who hit you, you fell in love with someone else. Now the parts of him you fell in love are gone and you are mourning that.
I know you don\'t want to go and find someone else and you won\'t have to. You will find each other. He will hold you and kiss you the way like, but even better.
I know Jaycie is your world but I can understand that she doesn\'t fill that void that a man does. Just try to stay strong. Take it a day at a time, an hour at time, a minute at a time. You have been through so much these last couple of years and you should be so proud of yourself that you are such a strong beautiful woman.