So I kinda started feeling a little crappy the past couple of days. Thinking it's some weird form of the baby blues, but it's not about the baby. It's just me. I've been hearing things about my ex and it just hurts my feelings. Even though I have my little girl I still feel kinda lonely. I have her to love and to hold and to kiss but I don't really have anyone to hold me or to kiss me.. It's just kinda depressing, it's like I wish I had someone to share her with besides my parents. Michael's going around telling people not to hound on him for not calling or trying to see our daughter because he can't have any contact with me (stipulation on his probation for assaulting me), but that didn't stop him before I had the baby. He was always up my ass, then I have her and he's no where to be found. I'm guessing I have nothing for him to use me for right now. I can't have sex, I can't drive, and he knows I won't go anywhere because I have the baby, I'm not working anymore.. I'm useless to him. I think that's what's really bothering me. Having to stomach what I was to him and then having to deal with the fact that I still care for someone who thinks of me that way. I just wish I could find someone else to have a relationship with so I won't be so hung up on him and can enjoy being with Jaycie completely, not partially. My birthday's tomorrow.. and I feel like it's just gonna suck.. I dunno.. I've just so got the blues right now.