The closer that it gets, the more scared I'm becoming. I'm so scared of loosing her and going through what I went through with Nickolus. I'm so close to holding her and so anxious that she'll slip away before I get the chance to. I sound so paranoid and I AM so paranoid. I want so badly to just tell my doctor please re-schedule me for this week but I don't see him until Wednesday and that'd be too late to change anything unless I delay it. I keep thinking because she's so big what if she like crunches her unmbelical cord or something and doesn't get any oxygen and passes away? I don't know I'm so paranoid all I can focus on are negative things that could and might happen. I'm thinking about all the positive stuff too, I can't wait until I get to hold her close to me and give her sweet kisses but I'm just so scared. I hate that I've had to go through what I have to get to this point. It's so frustrating. I wish so badly I still had my little boy so my thoughts wouldn't be like this and rendering me from being able to be positive about my daughter. I just wish the 17th would hurry the hell up and get here already. I want her here!!