I've got 9 more days until my son's anniversery of going to heaven. I'm still, like always, not very excited about going through that. My belly is getting tighter and tighter, I don't think it's really getting any bigger. It's like she just takes up all my fat room in my belly, which is okay with me. When I went to the doctor last week I had lost 2.5 lbs. which is good because 3 weeks before that I had gained like 4 or 5 I think. So the whole pregnancy I've gained 5 lbs. which is great. She moves around all the time. I was getting a pedicure the other day and sitting back in the chair and my stomach kept bouncing around and changing shapes and positions. It was hilarious. I'm so ready for her to be here. My mom finished painting the nursery. There's no more clouds or blue paint leftover from it being Nickolus's room. It's all girl stuff now. I keep having these dreams that are pretty disturbing. I keep dreaming that I've had the baby already and I just never take the time to nurse and my milk isn't ever there and someone else is always holding my baby. Last night I drempt that I was at the cemetery and Nickolus was crying and had somehow came back to life and I didn't want to bother with finding out why I was just happy he was here. This month is just really screwing with me. I've never liked February because of Valentines Day (I've always been single or had a crappy boyfriend and usually we'd fight right before v-day and never do anything) and now it's even worse because of loosing him in feb. this month just haunts me. Anywho... Let me put some positive in here since it is monday... bahhh  Two things I'm grateful for... I'm grateful for still having a so-far healthy pregnancy and what seems to be like a thriving little girl in my belly. I'm thankful to still be here and to have been given a second chance at having a child. I truely hope that everything works out with my family and have faith that it will. I'm thankful that both stephanie's on here got to go home with beautiful babies in hand and are getting to experience motherhood the way its meant to be. I hope everyone had a good weekend and is going to have an even better week. I love you all.