Oh my god I am so upset right now. I'm looking at the pictures on the slideshow of my myspace page and listening to the music that I have on there... Every song on there except the Breaking Benjamin song was played at my sons funeral during the services. And most of those pictures were played on a slideshow at his funeral. Tomorrows supposed to be happy for me, but tomorrow will be 8 months since we walked my son from the funeral home to a hurst, across the street into a cemetary, and put him in the ground. I can't take this pain that I feel inside I miss him so much. When is this ever going to get easy... I want my Nickolus back.. I just want to hold him.. I want to lay on my back and hold his hands while he picks himself up and stands ontop of me and starts laughing and drooling all over me. I want to feel him suck on my finger and then mash down on it with his 2 little teeth.. I want him to give me kisses again like he did the weekend before he passed away.. God he was just starting to do so much his personality was taking off he was such a sweet little baby why in the hell did this happen?