Well I had another bad dream this morning. I woke up remembering that I was babysitting and had some girl at my house that I used to work with, but I was like babysitting her younger siblings or something (for what I don't know). Michael was there, and in my bedroom. I went back to my room to watch my soaps, and he was on my bed (it was my childhood room at my old house and he was on my old daybed I had when I was like 5) and the covers were messed up and I've been really anal about being neat here lately and so I pulled the bed out and stepped on the trundle bed underneath it to fix the comforter while he just laid there, and I found like 15 bags of weed under the bed and I was like "where in the hell did this come from?" And he starts arguing with me and for some reason he was counting money and I was counting money, and I bundled mine up and started to walk out of the room and put it in my bra and said "you need to get out of my house.. NOW" and he started walking up after me yelling and blah blah, and he had this ice cream thing in his hand and I was in the kitchen and he threw it at me and it stuck to my leg. I got it off of me and I was like see now if I did that you'd loose a couple screws and go nuts and I threw it and hit him in the face with it. He takes the little water hose thing thats connected to the sink and starts spraying the kids and Laura and tells them to get the hell out of here now and I try to run off with them and he grabs me and then I wake up. That dream just makes me realize that it was always okay for him to do whatever... sleep with my friends, steal from me, disrespect me, but if I were to turn around and do it to him, all hell is going to break loose. And it's always my fault. I'm so sick of it. I'm tired of dreaming about it. I just wish it would all go away and stay that way. Why couldn't he have died instead of my Nickolus? Why did it have to be Nickolus who went away for good instead of him? Life would've been so much better if things had went that way instead of the way they did..