Well today and tomorrow are my days off... It's these days that I worry about myself trying to go back to Michael. The days of extreme boredom when all I do is think and think and think. I was looking at the picture of Michael and Nickolus at Christmas on my photos on here last night and this is something I just have to remind myself of. In that picture you can see all the love Nickolus had for everyone, including his dead-beat father. And all that love and warmth that Nickolus could give someone, Michael still did what he did to help in his passing. It pisses me off so bad that I went to work that day when I was going to call in because I just didn't feel right. And now I know why. But how was I to know that Michael would've gone all day without feeding my son... without changing his diaper... How did I know that he was going to once again disreguard that warnings I gave about putting him face down on my bed pillow to sleep. There's no way I could've known those things. But it still pisses me off. I know that it's better off this way because I won't have to have the argument about my sons headstone saying "Mommy's little man"... I won't have Michael wanting to know why I will not leave him around our next child alone. My life will be so much more stress and argument free. It's just these next few months that will be hard for me but I know what I've gotta do... keep reminding myself of all the bad things he's done to me and my son and make sure he never has the chance to cause any pain or suffering to my next child. MY child.