In 13 days, one hour and 18 minutes... Nickolus would've been exactly one year. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get through this. In 6 days it'll be 4 months since my little angel has been gone. I'm not pregnant... And Michael and I are over once again. Our last fight consisted of him putting his hands on me and then I'm the bad guy for pressing charges on him because now he's going to be facing a lot of time because he's already on bail for beating me the week before Nickolus passed away and that'll make 2 felony family violence cases. And I'm dumb enough to feel sorry for him. I was at his parents yesterday and he told me he wish we never got back together from our last fight because all we do is cause eachother more pain. I told him I wish I'd never tried to help him get off the streets, I wish I would've stayed with my parents and kept Nickolus with his baby sitter Brandy because I know in my heart that he would still be here. She would've never put him face down on a pillow to sleep. She never would've let him go all day without changing his diaper or giving him a bottle or food. I found out that they're not going to prosecute Michael for my sons death because it was ruled as SIDS... my son sufficated on that damn pillow and if Michael wasn't the one watching him that day my little peanut would still be here. My heart aches for my son so terribly I just want him back... I thought I was doing everything right by trying to give my son a father but I put his life in jeopardy and it's all my fault... I miss my son so much I just don't know what to do
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Honey, Nickolous\' death is not your fault! Perhaps his death was caused by the poor decision of his father or perhaps it was totally beyond any one\'s control.....BUT IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You deserve better than to be with a man who will physically assault you. Stay away from him.
I\'m so sorry you feel this way about everything. It is not your fault.Have you been to see a dr. or anything about how you are feeling?
I agree with Leosmommy, she is right. It is ABSOLUTELY NOT your fault. And he is definitely not good for you, you deserve better than that.
I\'m so sorry you have to feel this way. I know that no matter what anybody says or does nothing can take that pain away. Just know that I am here for you and praying for you.
You know, when my son died I kinda felt the same way. The guy that he knew as his dad wasn\'t his \"sperm donor\" but I have always felt that if I didn\'t go to work that day that Ty would still be here with me.. He was 2 days shy of being 3 months old when he passed!! He would be 4 years old this Nov. I\'m so sorry for what you are going through. It sucks ass!!! I had another baby, she is 18 months old.. and I would not be able to make it without her!! She has helped my heart, but at the same time I miss my Tybaby.. and no one will ever replace him.. I\'m new on here, but always here if you want to talk!!!