Well... my plan worked. I got absolutely trashed yesterday. I'm kind of upset now though. I never went to see my son's grave, I didn't light a candle for him... I just wallowed in my misery... got extremely drunk and puked everywhere.. had to call my mom to come pick me up from the bar at like 2 in the afternoon and went home and slept until 9 then woke up puking some more... Along with the worst head ache. I spoke with my brother yesterday. He's really pissing me off right now. He's 25 and married with 3 kids. He's been married for 6 years now and since he got married so young and started having kids right away he's going through some stupid phase where he just wants to be by himself and party and be single. I told him he'd regret getting married so young and being in the military but he didn't listen and he did it anyways. Now it's too late to have those thoughts in my opinion. He will devistate those kids if he leaves. I tried telling him I did the single thing, I partied. Then I had a child and I chilled out completely. Now I no longer have him after only 8 short months. And I would give anything to have that back. Partying is just not where its at. I know any of us would give anything to have our children back and it just pisses me off when someone else has it all there infront of them and they take it for granted. I was at the mall Saturday and some lady left her twins in the stroller alone in the aisle and went to try on shoes and one of them started standing up and almost fell right on her face. I told the lady uhm.. you might want to come watch your children. How irresponsible is that? But yet she still has her kids. I never would've done that and I don't have my son anymore... I hate this world I don't understand why this happened to me I loved my son so much